Do you ever think something is normal because that’s what you’ve been taught, it’s how the media depicts it, and it’s just the way it goes? I used to think that fighting with your significant other was just part of the relationship. I thought it was normal. In my previous relationship, I found myself constantly arguing and fighting with my partner. Most of the time it was over stupid things too. Yet, I didn’t think anything of it until we broke up. I’m in a new relationship now, we’ve only been dating about seven months, but not once have we even bickered. We haven’t fought, argued, bickered, or even really disagreed. At first, I thought something was off, because you’re supposed to fight with your partner, right? I mean that’s how it goes. Right? I’m not so certain. To me, now that I’m seeing it from a new perspective, constant fighting shouldn’t be the norm. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to fight to make it valid. That sounds so outrageous.

Now, I’m not saying that couples should never fight and that if you do fight that your relationship isn’t a good one. There's a big difference between a healthy fight and excessive fighting. Sometimes fights are inevitable, I know this, but is constant fighting really healthy and normal? I mean think about it, really think about it. Are you and your partner constantly fighting over dumb things? Do you pick fights when you’re bored? Why? Why is that normal? Why is being upset and mad at your partner and yelling at them or ignoring them seen as okay? Personally, whenever my ex and I had fights I never enjoyed them, I mean who does? I didn’t like being yelled at or him being mad at me or being ignored. Those are terrible feelings. I didn’t realize it back then, but in the seven months I’ve gone without even an argument I think it’s not okay. It’s not normal. But society, the media, everyone depicts it to be so. How? In many ways. Your parents have probably fought at some point or another, and because of this one might assume that its a part of being married. And think about relationships and movies. Couples never seem happy with themselves. Like ever.

Which, another thing, why is that? Why are couples normalized as hating each other in media? It’s so mind-boggling to me. They fight, they don’t get along, they talk about how being married or being in a committed relationship is a living hell. Relationships shouldn’t be that way. Relationships should be easy, not to say that they can’t be hard or trying because relationships can have rough spots but you’re supposed to work as a team, as a partnership, to move past the hard times. A relationship should be fun and not extremely stressful. You should feel comfortable and happy all the time. Not at each other’s throats. Not fighting 24/7. That’s not even a relationship to me. I don’t know what they are, but that’s not a relationship. A relationship is mutual love and respect and trusting one another, but maybe I’m the only one who thinks that.

Sometimes I see those posts on Instagram or Facebook where you tag your partner. The ones that say, “I fight with you because I love you!” or “Be with someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Like, hold the phone. Personally, my biggest fear in my relationship is constantly annoying him, why in the actual world do you all actively seek out to annoy your partner? I never want to annoy my boyfriend, in fact, I have to constantly ask just to make sure I’m not because I don’t want to be annoying. Also, what makes you think your partner wants to constantly be annoyed with you? If you hate when your partner annoys you, then why turn around and make them feel the same way? I just don’t get it. It used to make sense to me why couples fought because I thought that’s just how it was, but now that I know it doesn’t have to be that way it doesn’t make sense. Being in a relationship where we don’t argue and fight is such a breath of fresh air. Fighting is not only emotional but physically and mentally draining. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it.

When I see people I know who are in relationships and they’re constantly fighting, and they’re tired, and unsatisfied I feel bad. I know that feeling all too well. It’s not worth it. Whatever argument you’re having is not worth it. It’s not worth the upsetting, draining feeling that you’re feeling. It’s not normal. I hope one day the rest of society sees that. You can disagree with your partner, you’ll probably never always see eye-to-eye, but continuously fighting isn’t okay. When things get tense it can sometimes be inevitable to have a fight or argument. However, chasing after things to argue about, fighting because you have nothing better to do, continuously fighting over small things, etcetera are not. That’s not normal, no matter how often it’s depicted in the media or how often society says it is. Nor is it healthy for any relationship. Love is gentle and love is kind. So, let’s stop normalizing fighting. Let’s stop normalizing couples who actually hate each other. Take care of one another. Normalize having differences and mutually respecting said differences. Normalize talking things out and understanding. Normalize couples mutually loving and caring about each other like they’re actually supposed to. I’m tired of my peers, friends, acquaintances, what have you, thinking that their relationship is okay and that they’re okay when them and their partner fight nonstop every day of the week. I’m tired of them saying it’s fine. It’s not fine. It’s heartbreaking that we think we have to endure such things to prove we’re in a relationship. That’s not what makes you, but it could be what brakes you. So, love each other. Normalize that. Normalize and depict healthy, happy, non-problematic relationships. We deserve no less.