It was the 14^th of February, most commonly known as Valentine’s day. A holiday that is supposed to radiate love. While I have so many things in life to love, today, I cried myself to sleep. It was the night of a mass shooting, killing so many innocent children. My mind was running off of anger and fear. Here’s why I cried myself to sleep:

It could have been my students. MY students are my world. They bring joy and light up my life in ways I never knew possible. Just the thought alone of losing them makes my heart ache. The night I cried myself to sleep, I made myself a promise: tomorrow I’m going to hug my students a little bit longer and a lot tighter.

It is not fair. It’s not fair that 18 students (as of now) will not have the opportunity to wake up in the morning. 18 students won’t have the chance to see tomorrow's daylight. Many mothers and fathers won’t have the opportunity to hug their sweet child goodbye. 18 parents won’t be able to remind their child to “put their homework in their backpack.” 18 parents won’t have the opportunity to see their child graduate high-school.

It’s not fair that hundreds of students will have to return to the same school they once trusted and be fearful of what might happen. It’s not fair teachers will have to return to the same school they once trusted and fear for the safety of their students, and of themselves. It’s not fair. The night I cried myself to sleep I made myself a promise: tomorrow I’m going to hug my students a little bit longer and a lot tighter.

It’s not okay. It’s not fair that mothers have to go to bed crying because their child was killed. It’s not fair teachers are crying themselves to sleep because they lost their students. It’s not okay that fellow classmates and friends are crying themselves to sleep because they will return to school and their best friend will no longer be there. It’s not okay that those same classmates will have to return to school and look at the exact spot their classmate used to sit in before they were murdered.

It’s not okay that siblings of the victims are crying themselves to sleep because they will wake up in the morning and not have their partner in crime to voyage off to school with. It’s not fair that just 2 months into 2018, there has been 18 school shootings and WE ARE DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT. The night I cried myself to sleep, I made myself a promise: tomorrow I’m going to hug my students a little bit longer and a lot tighter.

My heart and mind will never be able to make sense of events like this. My heart goes out to the families and parents of the children involved in this incident. My heart goes out to aching teachers. My heart goes out to EVERYONE crying themselves to sleep. The night I cried myself to sleep, I made myself a promise: tomorrow I’m going to hug my students a little bit longer and a lot tighter. I hope you will too.