By the time January 1st arrives we all have a detailed and specific (probably lengthy) list of things we hope to accomplish and stand by for the new year. Everyone wants to be organized, eat better, exercise more, and generally everything else that falls into the category of being a “better” person. No one can argue that all of that is important not only to the improvement of your bodily health but also, by extension, to your mental health. But there comes to a point, which for most of us is probably a matter of weeks, days even, that we forget all about it and we’re back to our old habits.

Let’s face it, new year’s resolutions are hard to keep. Always have been, always will be. We’ll tell ourselves that this year will be different and we’ll put in our best effort, but there’s a part of us deep down that knows they just aren’t going to last. Why? We set ourselves up for failure by establishing unrealistic expectations. Most of the time when we plan new year’s resolutions we jump ahead too quickly. We’ll go from eating a lot of sugar to eating none at all, or from rarely exercising to exercising every day. It doesn’t work that way, and it shouldn’t have to.

Instead of holding yourself to goals that are out of reach, or at least in the short term, hold yourself to something more important: put yourself first. We’re always stressed about something, always putting an unnecessary amount of pressure on ourselves to do things a certain way, to be a certain way. We forget that saying no is an option because we’ve trained ourselves to yes to everything our entire lives. In a world surrounded by so many other people, it’s almost too easy to forget yourself.

Truthfully, putting yourself first sounds simple when you say it, but it’s something that’s even harder when put into practice. The way I like to think of it is that if you are putting your wants before someone else’s needs, you’re (probably) being selfish. But if you put your needs before someone else’s wants, you are taking care of yourself. Sometimes we confuse other people’s wants for their needs, and that’s what leads you down the wrong path. Once you figure out the difference between the two it isn’t too difficult to realize what’s really important.

We have our hearts in the right place when we plan out all those new year’s resolutions, but too often it comes from a sense of pressure, and it may not even be from others, but from ourselves. So instead of, or at least before holding yourself to eating healthier or exercising more, focus on you. Not what you have to do or what you think you need to do - just you and nothing else. You may find that you’ll learn a lot about yourself that you didn’t know before, and that’s something that can only come from putting yourself first.