I’ve been on both sides of the fence when it comes to being skinny and obese. Let me tell you something. It isn’t easy on either side and here is why.

When I was growing up, I was always the tallest girl in the class. It never failed. Sometimes, I was even taller than the boys. That was until middle school rolled around and hormones kicked in for all those late bloomers. Just kidding, but seriously. Growing up as the tallest girl in your social groups, classes, and even taller than some of your family members puts a strain on you at times. Not only was I tall, but I was always at the average weight for my body frame. That is until eighth grade rolled around and I began suffering with severe anxiety and depression. In that year, I had lost four family members, gained forty plus pounds, and turned the glorified age of thirteen. Great year, right? Definitely one to remember.

As I transitioned into high school, I had slowly, yet continually, gained weight. I was still the tallest girl in the class, but now I was also the “curviest” too. I’d say “fat,” but my life wasn’t quite to that point yet. I went through another year of self-indulgence with food satiation and instead of working out my body, I worked out my mouth. I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. Of course I cared, but it was my form of treating my anxiety and depression. Later on in high school I met who would end up being my first “boyfriend.” Although he was a couple years older, I thought he accepted me. Little did I know, it would be the abuse that I accepted. Yes, abuse. In every way fathomable. Mind you, I was a sheer sixteen and petrified, so I you’re reading this, asking yourself why didn’t she tell someone, well now you know that fear has an upper hand in life.

I would starve myself, started training like an animal at the gym with a personal trainer that would end up becoming my big brother in this weight loss journey, and began to become the fierce teenager I never thought I would become. Eventually my life changed for the best, I grew the nerve to rid the abuse, stood up for myself, and even showed even more, that I can handle anything thrown at me. I went from being the tallest and “curviest” girl in the class, to being one of the thinnest and fittest. By the time I had turned seventeen and became a junior in high school, I had cheerfully and challengingly lost over 102 pounds. From the start of this journey, until the end, I had lost 102+ pounds in a mere eight months.

My life was great! I could wear whatever I wanted and do whatever I wanted and the best part? I felt normal for once. I didn’t care that I was one of the tallest girls in my grade because I was skinny! In fact, I got so thin, that I was actually underweight for my body frame and height. My doctor told me to put some “meat back on those bones,” but I just couldn’t bear the thought of gaining an ounce after what I had gone through to get to that point. Fast forward a year and sure enough, I started gaining weight back. A couple years into college, I had begun gaining weight back. Once I moved from Florida to North Carolina, my new doctor had found that I had actually developed hypothyroidism, amongst other things, and this was the main source of my weight gain.

Fast forward ten years and now I sit here writing you as an obese 29 year old woman. My life has changed dramatically within 10 years and even though it has been quite a tumultuous ride, I wouldn’t change a thing. The new skinny on obesity is simple. People judge and assume that if you’re too thin, you don’t eat enough and if you’re overweight or obese, you eat too much. That, my friends, could not be further from the truth. Since graduating high school, I won’t disclose how much weight I have actually put back on, but it’s plenty, for me, I have learned that it wasn’t just me changing my eating habits from bad to healthy to not so great again. Instead, it was mostly caused by multiple health conditions that you can’t see, but that I suffer with on a daily basis. I have learned that my simple case of hypothyroidism turned into an autoimmune disorder called ‘Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.’ Unfortunately, one of the greatest side effects of having this condition is not only significant fatigue, chronic body pain, and endless list of other symptoms, but the weight gain! In my years since fighting this disease, I have learned that I also developed Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, commonly referred to as PCOS, amongst the female members in society, which also causes significant amounts of weight gain.

My purpose for sharing my story with you is to make an awareness known that obesity is not just caused from lack of exercise or efforts to eat a clean and colorful diet, but rather it is also often caused by health concerns that can go undiagnosed or unknown of because they are what we call an “invisible illness.” On the surface, someone like me may appear to be lazy and lack effort to even try to stay healthy, when in reality I work harder than most to stay as healthy as I can. Gone are the days that I can lose 100 pounds in eight months. Not because I don’t try or because I’m lazy, but because I can eat healthy and still struggle with losing weight. Is it impossible? No, absolutely not. It is, however, more of a challenge and more difficult.

I have, however, learned that the person I am will never change based on my physical appearance. Whether I’m skinny again or I stay overweight, I will always be the person I am inside and out. My personality will never change because that would mean that I’m not genuine. I may be happier if I become thin again, but that’s the only thing that will change. Of course I will look different, but me as a person, that won’t ever change. I’ve met some pretty amazing people on this journey and of different sizes and shapes. They have shown me that no matter what happens, you can fight obesity and learn to live with any chronic illness that you have as well. Skinny isn’t the goal, but healthy is.

Essentially, the purpose of this article is to find my readers recognizing that body image isn’t the answer. Don’t make assumptions and think you know why the person you see on a mobilized scooter is struggling to walk due to being obese. Don’t make the assumption that the girl in your lecture hall is obese or even overweight because she ate a cookie for dessert at lunch. Instead, look at people without judgement and contempt and just try to think about what they might be going through. I want you to not only look at people a little differently, but I also want you to look at yourself differently too. Whether you have five pounds or 105 pounds to lose, for whatever reason you struggle with weight, know that it is possible to lose it. Nobody said it would be easy, but who said it wouldn’t be worth it?