The first, and only time that I had watched video pornography was by a complete accident. I was entering a class back in high school (I think I was about sixteen or seventeen); this particular class was one of those "if you took the time to show up and sit there you'd basically get an A" classes. The teacher was our "friend," and it was like a second study hall. During this particular class, a group of guys sat ahead of me, clustered together, talking, joking...and, well, watching porn, I guess.

What I first heard was the sound, the sound that basically made each and every person in the room uncomfortable. I instinctively looked at the sound that brought on a room-wide, instantaneous cringe, and in about 23 seconds, I located the culprit: the porn on the cell phone three seats up.

It was the first time that I had ever seen video pornography with my own eyes, and thankfully, the last. I was in shock. In this particular porno, the "story line" (if you can even call it that), included a girl going camping with her boyfriend, he (for some reason) stripped her of her clothes and tied her hands together in the woods, and left, and then 5 other men stumbled across her in the woods and all repeatedly took turns having sex with her. Gag.

The craziest thing, however, is that the sheer crudeness of the porno isn't what bothered me so deeply. It was the audacity that the film had, the immediate perpetuance of rape culture, and the fact that the group of guys in my class were completely and totally able to have a conversation while watching this, in between all of the "sluts" and the "whores" that were screaming out of the cellphone, they were completely un-phased by any of it, and the only commentary they provided was, "look at her rack."

Now, I am not going to make a crude overgeneralization and say that every guy (or girl) who watches porn is as belligerent and disgusting about it as these guys, I think that a large portion of the people who watch pornography every day are normal, well-to-do people just going about their daily lives.

And I think that is precisely the problem.

I am a Christian, but I write this article free of any religious bias, or a mysterious religious angle. I I write this article with the motive of respect, morals, and humanitarianism on my heart. And with THOSE angles alone I am saying again, loud and clear: Pornography is an epidemic that is destroying intimacy in the modern world.

I know many of you probably rolled your eyes; before you write me off as some crazy, old fashion grandma, lets take a minute here. Let's take a deep breath, pull back, and do what any person should do when they are trying to intellectually decide where they stand on something: lets pull it apart, dissect it, and form a conclusion.

There are a few aspects I would like to talk about today, these ideas are key reasons that SCREAMED out "unhealthy, unhealthy, unhealthy" to me when I contemplated the concept of pornography.

1) Pornography provides a warped mental image of what sex should be like, and what a healthy relationship is.

Like it or not, in most homes, sex is not a dinner table topic. In most homes, it is very, very rare for a child to be comfortable and close enough with their parents to talk to their parents about questions they have regarding sex. This, this particular downfall is not the fault of pornography. However, kids get curious, they wonder, and if they aren't allowed to talk about it at home, and they can't talk about it to their teachers/friends/etc, they are going to take matters into their own hands and search for an answer themselves. Various researches have shown that on average, 80% of children between ages 8-16 have seen pornography. No, porn was not designed for children to view, yes, porn legally is supposed to be viewed by those 18+, but this is not the case.

For many individuals, the first time they see sex, the first time they see two human beings engaging in the most personal act two people can partake in, they are going to see an image of where a guy is too busy calling a girl a slut and telling her how well she is taking it to make eye contact with her, to look at her face. To look at her like a human being. To see her and her body as something sacred and worth loving and respecting. No, is going to pull her hair, or spit on her, and reaffirm how dirty she is, and she is going to look like she loves it. That is, in reality, the first glimpse of what they are going to conceive intimacy to be.

Even for individuals who are of age, what you see and what you watch, you start to normalize. Humans adapt to what they are exposed to, we get used to what we are exposed to. Take a look at these statistics from https://churchm.ag/porn-stats/:

According to this poll, as many as 28,258 people every second are viewing the scene previously described and regarding that as mentally suitable for sexual arousal/intimacy.

The problem with this, the vital problem with this piece of information is the chain reaction that follows. When young men and women, young boys and girls, see this, and normalize this as what sex is, what sex should be like, it creates this invisible expectation of what they look for. After all, we look for what is normal to us, right?

Which brings me to my next point:

2) Porn is dangerously unrealistic.

How many pornos do you know of that base themselves on the foundation of trust, safety, good intentions, respect, gentleness, and care? Probably....not very many. Most pornos have unrealistically scandalous or just flat out pervy storylines. Like, oh, younger girl having sex with older man, barely legal girl takes on two guys, or how about...let me tie my girlfriend up naked and abandon her in the woods so that a group of five men can pass her around the circle. And the women look like they enjoy it. The girl sits there, and she takes it all. She takes every instance of being passed like an object. She takes every "slut." She takes every mumbled "dirty." She takes it with a smile on her face, because that is her job and what she is getting paid for.

This concept is dangerous. The idea that a girl, a whole being, with a thought process and a favorite food and a favorite song has to sit there and be okay with being seen as filthy, is sad, but it is even more so dangerous. It is dangerous because, as said before, when things become normal to us, they become something that we gravitate to.

Only sometimes, it isn't a paid actor. Sometimes it is a real seventeen year old girl/guy at a party. And they don't really want to go into this bedroom or that bathroom, but they know what they're "supposed to do" in this situation, and so they sit there, and they act, and they follow along, because they have been taught that their own self comfort is worth less than hurting someones ego, or causing an awkward situation, because all of this is "normal."

3) Porn perpetuates rape culture.

Even though the actors are consenting, even though the actors look like they are enjoying it (or, heck, maybe even are enjoying it, I can't speak for them) a lot of the scenarios that are filmed in porn are scenarios that wouldn't be consensual, safe, or emotionally healthy in real life. For instance, having sex with a stepfather or getting violently gang banged in the woods...those actors may be consenting to that scene, but in real life, how many people that you know would consent to that? How many individuals would enjoy being tied up in the middle of the woods and passed around from person to person while being spit on and called dirty like an object? Not many. As a matter of fact, outside of that film set, that image would be pretty bothersome, but why is it suddenly sexy when conducted by paid actors? As a woman, a feminist, an aspiring humanitarian and a lover of all people, I can say that I could be able to look at, converse with, and love a porn star as a human being. We are all people, and I don't condemn anyone. No one is worth more or less than me; but I would be lying if I stood here and said that I ever stood for something that involved looking at a woman naked, at her most vulnerable state, and see anything other than a treasure and a blessing. I would be lying if I said I supported anything that involved looking at a woman in her most vulnerable state, and treating her like a dirty body to use as an object for mere sexual gratification and sexual gratification alone. Porn does not empower women, it destroys women, and it endangers women.

4) Porn removes intimacy out of the most intimate act possible.

Whether you are religious or non-religious, whether you are waiting 'til marriage, or you aren't deciding to go that route, regardless of personal lifestyle decisions, we can all agree on one thing: sex is the most personal act of closeness that you can achieve with someone in a physical sense. So much so, that two bodies aren't even really "two" anymore. You are joining yourself with someone, and it can be the most sacred and loving act, or it can be a violent whirlwind with the power to annihilate and destroy someone's life as they knew it. Check something out:

in·ti·ma·cy

ˈin(t)əməsē/

noun

1. close familiarity or friendship; closeness.
   synonyms: closeness, togetherness, affinity, rapport, attachment, familiarity, amity, affection, warmth, confidence.

This is the definition of intimacy, and the synonyms of the words that can be used to share a meaning for intimacy. Words that can be swapped out in the place of intimacy.

Attachment.

Affection.

Familiarity.

Confidence.

Togetherness.

Closeness.

Warmth.

Warmth. These words are so beautiful. I can say them over and over again in my head and feel the idea of how beautiful they are in my soul. These are the things that build intimacy. These are the things that make an individual look at someone, and think, "wow, I love them," and feel intimate.

There is no warmth in the word "whore".

There is no closeness in someone seeing you naked, seeing the deepest and most personal parts of you, and speaking to you with a mouth that calls you dirty, instead of speaking words of beauty to the blossoming and alive and conscious and worthy being that you are.

There is nothing familiar about being touched as a temporary, disposable object.

There is no togetherness when you touch someone as a mere body rather than seeing someone as a soul.

And there is no beauty, no intimacy, in porn.

There is no intimacy in porn.