Imagine a battle against someone who knows everything about you, every single thing that makes you tick, your crippling insecurities, your empowering strengths, what words twist and pull at your soul. Imagine being reminded on a daily basis everything you wish to forget, causing the shadow of regrets to creep along the crevices of your mind, the mistakes you have made replaying on a constant loop emphasizing your failures. Imagine that this person is you.
The cycle of depression is not one that happens instantly. It can begin with something as simple as a small change to your daily routine. For example, let’s say you skip a study session for a night. The next night you feel that another day wouldn’t hurt. The process repeats, and you find yourself falling behind. There’s no reason to catch up. You’re too far behind to be as good as everyone else. You’re useless. You stop taking care of yourself. What is the point of looking good if you are a useless student anyway? You have no redeeming qualities that would impress anyone. Why waste time looking good when no one would care? Depression finds one thing to latch on to until there is an opening for the darkness to consume the next thing that brings light to your life.
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Sometimes all we see in the mirror is the flaws that make us, forgetting that there are strengths that are a part of us as well. Once we see those strengths, we are comforted by the fact that our flaws are what make us human. However, for some people, their faults are all they ever see all day, everyday. Once you are consumed by the parasitic disease that is depression, you may be able to function physically on a daily basis, but mentally you are just not there. Depression is a debilitating disease that turns everything you once loved and enjoyed into solemn reminders of who you used to be and gives you the false impression that you will never be that person ever again.
Mental illness does not discriminate and can impact anyone. The brightest smiles can be on the face that sheds the most tears. An abundance of wealth cannot fill the holes depression makes. The gentlest soul can be the easiest one to break. It may not be obvious to a bystander, but it is very real to the person who is suffering.
If you are fighting that battle right now; know that you are not weak for succumbing to the demons of your own mind. Rather, you are strong fighting against the person who knows you most. You can get through this. You are strong. You are amazing. You are loved.
Please do not be afraid to reach out if you are facing depression and need help. There are many resources you can contact:
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-422-4673
Depression and Bipolar Support: 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Call Center: 1-800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863
