I have suffered from chronic pain for the past 10 years, but it is only within the past six years that my chronic pain was managed with prescription painkillers, and it is within the past few months that I have ditched the prescription painkillers to transition to medical marijuana. I can safely and confidently say medical marijuana is not only the most effective form of chronic pain treatment I have encountered, but it is also the most effective form of chronic pain treatment with regards to giving me my life back.

My chronic pain is a result of an undiagnosed muscle myopathy that significantly affects my my physiology in various aspects—the bulk being muscular-skeletal. Six years ago I had a procedure to correct the severe curvature of my spine—a result of the myopathy—which is when I was prescribed Oxycodone and Valium to treat temporary post-op pain, and ultimately to manage increasing chronic pain due to my change in physiology and the progression of my condition.

I was on a very low dose of Oxycodone and Valium for six years straight, typically only taking 1-2 doses of each a day (the maximum allowed in a day was about 3-4 doses). When I first started taking the Oxycodone and Valium, there weren't any noticeable changes in my cognition—I always pretty much felt the same as before I started taking painkillers. At first the drugs made me feel drowsy and a little sluggish, which is perfectly normal and expected. I was fully expecting to feel kind of "zombie-like," but to my surprise I never did as a result of the drugs, or so it seemed.

Despite the potential side effects, throughout high school I was getting decent grades, attending a combination of school and homebound education about three days a week on average (that's normal for someone like me even though it sounds like poor attendance), and I had a fairly active social life given my limited stamina and sick days. As time wore on, I no longer experienced any *noticeably apparent* side effects and I just went on with my life, taking a dose whenever I felt the pain coming on. However, like with any drug, my body built up a tolerance to the dose I was taking, so I was no longer getting effective pain management, causing my quality of life to take a nose-dive for many months.

When I built up a significant tolerance to the Oxycodone and Valium, sometime around the second semester of my freshman year at college, I found that I was only receiving about 30 minutes of pain relief—an hour if I was lucky—and the Oxycodone and Valium are supposed to last a person 4 and 6 hours, give or take, respectively. I was suddenly dealing with a lot of the side effects these drugs cause, except it was due to very intense levels of chronic pain, which can have just as brutal and undesirable effects as painkillers. Along with those side effect, I was barely sleeping, I was anxious, I had no desire to go out or even leave my bed because I was so physically and emotionally drained from being in such terrible pain, and anywhere that wasn't my bed felt like it would make the pain worse. Worst of all, I was unable to continue with school for a semester because I was too tired, anxious, and in far too much pain to even sit through an hour and a half lecture two days a week. I could've increased my dosage, or even switched to something like an anti-depressant which has been proven to effectively manage pain for many people. I, my parents, and my prescribing doctor (who was very diligent in overseeing my prescriptions), did not want to increase the dose because it would just have to be increased again in the future, which is how addiction/dependency starts for many people. As for the anti-depressant, I don't suffer from depression, so taking a drug that mainly treats something I don't have was not ideal, especially because many anti-depressants have the same, or worse, side effects as the Oxycodone and Valium. I was at a point where my life basically did a complete 180 when my painkillers no longer worked for me, which is when my family and I began looking into medical marijuana.

Now before you say, "but how can marijuana be good for you if it is an illegal substance?" Well, first of all, the US government made marijuana illegal because they claim it is "dangerous," but in reality, it was made illegal because the government fed into people's racism and xenophobia by associating marijuana with Mexico. That sounds pretty blunt and harsh, but it's the sad and unfortunate truth. Before demonizing marijuana, though, many American pharmacies carried over-the-counter drugs containing cannabis. In fact, marijuana has actually been used for medicinal purposes since 2900 BC.

In 2737 BC China, it is believed that marijuana was prescribed in the form of tea for medical conditions such as gout, rheumatism, and even short memory (ironically something that is thought to be a side effect of marijuana). In 2000-1400 BC, marijuana was used in India for, not only medicinal purposes, but religious, spiritual, and even just recreational use. Considered one "of the five kingdoms of herbs," marijuana was spoken about in the fourth book of Vedas, Atharvaveda, which says marijuana would "release us from anxiety." In medieval times, specifically seen in 100-1000s AD, marijuana was significantly used in the medical field for the treatment of tumors, coughs, and jaundice. Even as recently as the 1700s (not that recent, but we knew much more about medicine at this point), there were various medical journals suggesting the use of hemp seeds and roots (hemp is a type of cannabis plant as well) to treat health issues. One Irish doctor even made a whole living out of selling medical marijuana in England and America for the treatment of rheumatism and nausea.

Does having historical evidence of marijuana being used medicinally make it good for you? No, it does not. There were even some beliefs, all the way back in medieval times, that marijuana should be used carefully and not in huge amounts. However, you can't deny that if it has been used for centuries in medicine that it has a multitude of visible medical benefits. Yes, it could be the placebo effect, but many of the diseases that marijuana was used to treat had visible symptoms, so there has to be some visual evidence of effective treatment. Plus, marijuana is naturally occurring (in case you didn't know that for some reason)! Personally, I would rather ingest something that has come from the earth over something that was synthesized in a lab with many different chemicals, and other questionable substances, that have been proven to have negative short and long term effects on the body. That's just me though.

To begin my own medical marijuana adventure in the state of New York (I say adventure because you can't just go in and say "my back hurts," and walk out with a prescription for medical marijuana. No. There are layers to the system!). I (my mom) looked for a compassionate care doctor, which is just a fancy New York term for a doctor who is certified to recommend you for the New York State Medical Marijuana program. You probably noticed that I said "recommend" instead of "prescribe," which is because the doctor doesn't write a prescription every month (or longer/shorter) like they would with prescription painkillers. Once you get your recommendation and card that grants you access to dispensaries, you can place an order for your medicine at any time (within reason because the pharmacists are the ones unofficially overseeing your consumption, mostly to make sure you're not dealing).

Now, in New York, not just anyone with a medical condition can get access to medical marijuana. There is a very specific list of conditions that qualify for the use of medical marijuana, and it wasn't until recently that chronic/neuropathic pain (lasting at least 3+ months) was added to the list, which has resulted in 7500 people joining the New York program in only a few short months. Once I found a compassionate care doctor I felt was right for me, I went in for my consultation. What the consultation basically consisted of was an overall medical history, and then a very detailed history of my chronic pain (how long I've had it, where I've had it, what treatments I've done, etc.). After a pretty thorough and comprehensive consultation, I was given my official New York State certificate for medical marijuana, allowing me to register for my medical marijuana ID. I realize my detailing of getting my recommendation for medical marijuana seems pretty simplistic, but I don't think it's like this for everyone. When it comes to someone like myself, my physical appearance doesn't exactly scream "the epitome of health and limber body," so it is probably a bit more difficult for someone with an invisible disability/medical condition.

Once my ID arrived in the mail after about 2-3 weeks of eagerly waiting, a glorious gift after having to register through what is probably the most horribly interfaced website I have ever had to deal with (this is not complaining, this is hoping someone behind the god-forsaken New York State website will see this and make it much more user-friendly), I was able to consult with a dispensary pharmacist and place my first order.

New York's medical marijuana program is much different than those in places like California and Colorado. All of those fancy strains and forms (balms, drinks, edibles, flowers, etc.) of cannabis you hear people talking about on the West Coast? Yeah, they don't have those in New York. In New York we only have access to oral solutions, vape pens, and capsules because it's a relatively new program to the state (when I originally wrote this, this was the case, but it is now reported NY dispensaries will get more medical marijuana goods as soon as late September). Personally, for me, having a limited selection isn't the biggest dilemma because I can't smoke due to my ventilator (and I also just wouldn't want to, I like my tiny little lungs the way they are), but a limited selection does mean much higher prices for a pretty small supply. However, while we don't have fancy strains in New York, we do have different variations and balances of the medical marijuana goods.

When it comes to medical marijuana there are two main compounds that target a variety of medical conditions—CBD (Cannabidiol) and THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol). THC is the compound everyone knows about, and it's what deems marijuana "bad" and "unsafe." THC is the psychoactive compound in marijuana that gets you high, while its friend, CBD, has pretty much all of the same effects of THC, but without the psychoactive aspect—meaning you don't get high! In my experience you'd never even know someone who has taken CBD has taken anything. When I tell people I'm "on medical marijuana right now," they typically think I'm joking.

Given both CBD and THC are active in medical marijuana, people have the option of getting just CBD (which has the tiniest amount of THC in it, you wouldn't even know), just THC (has a little CBD), or a "balance" of both, meaning the same amount of CBD and THC per/milligram. After speaking with a pharmacist and telling them about what kind of pain I suffer from and what kind of lifestyle I would ideally like to maintain, it was suggested that I get the highest concentration of CBD for daytime use, and the highest concentration of THC for nighttime use. Happy and agreeing that is what would be best for me, I placed my first order.

To monitor patients' consumption of medical marijuana, you can't just go to the dispensary whenever you please. In order to get your medical marijuana goods you have to make an appointment to either go to the dispensary, or have it delivered to your house. And, very important to note, medical marijuana is an all cash business (see, we've made it legal on the state level and we're still using cash to obtain a federally illegal substance, so you can still get that rush of handing over cash for weed if you're into that kind of thing). This is because marijuana, as a whole, is illegal on the federal level in the United States, which is a whole other issue I'll get into later, so the government will see it as a felony if you were to have a purchase for medical marijuana on your bank statement (it's impossible for that to happen, but crazier things have happened).

A few days after placing my first order, two men in black (they were tracksuits, but still, they were technically men "in" black) delivered two tiny bottles of liquified medical marijuana, and I was off to the races. Fortunately and unfortunately, medical marijuana isn't like prescription drugs where your dose is based on your weight. Everyone's body metabolizes marijuana differently, so five people who all weigh 100 pounds and take 1.0mL of the same strain of THC will not all have the same effects, if any.

Before I get into my first dose of medical marijuana, you might be wondering, "wait, you did medical marijuana while you were on Oxycodone and Valium?!" No, I wasn't exactly "off to the races" that fast. In order to start the medical marijuana I was advised, and I wanted to, get off of the Oxycodone and Valium. For good (another huge reason for my transition to medical marijuana). You're probably thinking, "did she go through drug withdrawal from getting off of such "hard" drugs?" I am very fortunate to say that my transition from my prescription painkillers to medical marijuana was pretty easy. Like with anything your body is used to, you can't just cut it out cold turkey without facing negative physiological consequences—which is why I slowly weaned myself off of the Oxycodone and Valium. I was already on very low doses of both drugs, but that's still enough to put someone through withdrawal symptoms, to some degree, if not done properly—which feels like you have a very bad case of the flu, if the flu was on steroids. I was weaned off of the Oxycodone and Valium within a week, minor withdrawal symptoms (but I was in a decent amount of pain. It was worth it though), and then it was finally time to dive into the medical marijuana for my next dose of pain relief.

Once I was fully off of the Oxycodone and Valium, I began my starter dose of CBD for the day, and THC for night. The dispensary gave me a suggested starting dose, but as I've already stated, marijuana isn't a "one size fits all" type of drug, so over the course of a few days I increased my dose until I found what most effectively worked for me, and I can truly say it has given me my life back.

Remember how earlier I said I felt as if I avoided a lot of the negative side effects of the Oxycodone and Valium for most of the time I was on it? Yeah, I was dead wrong. After being off of the Oxycodone and Valium for about 2 weeks, and being on the medical marijuana (mainly the CBD because I prefer being cognizant if the pain isn't bad enough to merit the more intense THC), I felt the way I did before I was ever on prescription painkillers, and it's absolutely incredible. As my mom put it: "it's like I've emerged from a fog."

I've become a lot more energetic—there are times when I'll literally spin or pace back and forth in my wheelchair with the speed turned all the way up because I am so energized. Not only am I more energetic, but I have the desire to be more active and involved in life because I'm so pain free and not exhausted from being in pain 24/7. Most importantly, to me, I feel a lot more "with it." According to my family, my prescription painkillers didn't affect my cognition, but I definitely feel sharper and faster in my thinking again, and I also feel as if my body is lighter, almost as if the painkillers did make me feel "zombie-like" in the sense that my body just seemed heavier—as if moving through air was a little more like moving through water.

When I was on the Oxycodone and Valium, it almost felt like whenever I wanted to say something verbally, I would have to think very hard on my words, otherwise I would just lose the thought or not express it as clearly as I was in my head. Sometimes I'd be talking about something and completely forget where I was going, which was the absolute worst. Now I feel like my perception has improved a lot since being on the medical marijuana—it was almost as if everything was somewhat "dampened" in me. My emotions were very much intact, but I can't deny that I now feel them much more intensely, which is kind of funny because I'm not the most emotional person to begin with, so you'd never even know. My anxiety is also so much better, it's unbelievable. I'm pretty chill about everything now (except Donald Trump. Even medical marijuana isn't a match for the stress and anxiety he causes). For example, I used to be so anxious (mostly in social situations) that I wasn't even able to speak on the phone, which is probably related to what I mentioned about my recall ability not being great, and always feeling like I'd lose my train of thought. Now you might as well ask me to make your calls for you. All of this is just scratching the surface, though. Nearly every single day I notice a new type of benefit from the medical marijuana, which is even more encouraging in using it to effectively manage my chronic pain.

While the medical marijuana has drastically changed my life in such a positive way, it doesn't mean the pain is permanently gone. However, the worst amount of pain I'll get will be something like "oh, I could probably use some Advil," and for me that's a huge deal, because a lot of the time an over the counter painkiller is just as effective as drinking water for a person with chronic pain (in my personal experience).

I truly do believe marijuana will be used in mainstream medicine at some point in the future, globally. Especially with the US opioid epidemic, medical marijuana is looking very promising. Of course much more research and experimentation will have to be done before truly determining the safety of the drug, which is why firsthand accounts from patients, just like this one, are absolutely necessary. If we can get the word out that marijuana is as beneficial for a variety of medical purposes as it seems, then hopefully we can start getting more studies done! That's the big catch-22 in this whole situation.

In the US, at least, marijuana is illegal on the federal level, so research and studies cannot be conducted with FDA funding or approval, making FDA approval of marijuana a laughable thought. If this drug was really as dangerous as we are taught from a young age, then why are we giving it to children with something such as a seizure disorder and seeing incredible results? The truth of the matter is, a lot of things we consume in our every day lives are just as, or even more, dangerous. The use of marijuana alone, so far, hasn't shown any substantial evidence that it is the main reason for someone overdosing or dying. You know what has killed people? Alcohol, tobacco, cigarettes, and even prescription painkillers. Just look at all the things we've legalized that are known to be bad for people, and can result in death. The only difference is, we don't know what in marijuana is bad for us, if anything, and if it is bad for us, in what form and amount is it safe? Because most things are perfectly fine for us in moderation (except for cigarettes, PLEASE stop smoking cigarettes, there are literally no positive benefits whatsoever). Plus, it is important to note and remember that medical marijuana is much more controlled than buying weed off the street. While you may think people using medical marijuana are just sitting around high all the time, the reality is they are, probably, high much less than a recreational user. The only way to find out the true efficacy of medical marijuana is with tried and true studies, though. (Since originally writing this, the NIH approved and granted funds for a study at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and Montefiore Health System in the Bronx, NY, to see how effective medical marijuana is for managing chronic pain and battling opioid addiction).

If you're fortunate enough to live in a state or country where you can legally access medical marijuana, and you're a candidate for it, then definitely look into it! Of course it is not guaranteed it'll work for everyone and everything. It isn't even guaranteed that someone with a lot of the same chronic pain issues as myself would be responsive—no two bodies are the same, whatsoever. Also, in my experience, pain relief from medical marijuana (or anything for that matter) is not going to solve all of your problems, but it is a huge aspect of lessening pain, and it is a very significant starting point.

Before the medical marijuana I did not feel up to doing more proactive pain relief—something as simple as exercising, stretching, or even something as simple as being more conscious of my body's limits and calling it quits when I have to, even if I don't want to give up what I'm doing in the moment. The medical marijuana got me out of my prescription painkiller funk and in a much better state of body and mind, as I'm now much more willing to take many proactive measures to combat and prevent pain since taking the medical marijuana allows my body to feel relatively energized and actually up to doing something, such as transferring from my bed to my wheelchair to change my position (because, for a while, even something as simple as that would be so stressful for my body that it would take a lot of energy out of me and cause more pain and anxiety). The most freeing thing of all when it comes to the medical marijuana, is that my anxiety is so much better.

No one really talks about the huge psychological aspect of pain and how much of a toll it can take on a person. There is anxiety from not knowing when and where the pain will come, when the pain will go away, and if it'll ever go away. You feel trapped in your body, and when you feel that way it seems as if nothing will ever help—especially when you have already tried so many things and seen so many specialists. Depression is a big thing, too. While I never felt true "depression" symptoms, I know many other people who go through what I did, or even anything remotely similar, can begin to battle feelings of depression. I can't deny that being in so much pain and not being able to live my life had me down in the dumps more than not. However, I always knew in the back of my mind that what I was going through would be temporary in one way or another, because with every obstacle I've encountered in my life there has always been a solution--you just have to be patient.

If I didn't keep reminding myself that pain is temporary, and what I was going through was temporary, I probably would've lost my mind. Being in pain just makes you feel "not yourself," and that never feels good. So, even if more proactive measures in treating pain do not help, it is extremely beneficial, on both the psychological and physical level, to know that taking the medical marijuana can at least bring a "9" to a "4" or "5" in your utmost discomfort. With all of this personal evidence, and hearing about other firsthand accounts, as well as seeing the statistics for the New York Medical Marijuana program, it is extremely hard to see how this drug could be any worse for patients than any prescription painkiller.

Hopefully I see a future where a lot more people can have their life restored simply by legally acquiring medical marijuana (and hopefully it becomes more affordable too, considering the population it is catering to). If medical marijuana is a viable option for so many people out there to lead a better life, then why are we denying them access to that? Comfort in our own body is not something to be earned or considered, but rather a human right.