This is the second article in a three piece series.

Although it would be convenient if a mathematical equation existed to guide us in, which characteristic we use, the world is not so kind. To my knowledge, there is no online calculator, which prompts you to enter a scenario and then generates an easy-to-use ratio of "emotion – reason."

"Your boyfriend just stubbornly asserted that working out at the gym is as painful as a period? In this situation, simply exercise 75 percent reason and 25 percent emotion to effectively make him aware of his audacious and moronic argument."

‘"Your girlfriend miraculously managed to back your new car over an upside-down rake, into a concrete barrier, and partially through a greenhouse? In this unfortunate series of events, simply exercise 65 percent emotion and 35 percent reason to appropriately convey your disappointment."

If only it were so simple. But, alas, things are not so easy or neat. Situations with your significant other unfold rapidly, unexpectedly, and are in constant flux. Were we all so disciplined, while we might not consult an online equation generator, we might all benefit from distancing ourselves from the situation in order to sufficiently reflect on the situation and the consequences of the myriad ways in which we could respond. Role-play your potential interaction. Use coarse language if you so desire. But, do it alone. Sometimes even just actualizing thoughts and bringing them from that space between your ears and into the world, helps us appreciate just how outrageous and unreasonably we are responding. Sometimes it reaffirms our belief in the merit of how we are reacting. Sometimes it affords us the ability to rehearse our reply; substituting words, focusing on eye contact, restructuring the order of what we will say. Many of these revisions, we undertake subconsciously. They may seem mundane and excessively tedious, but they can spare the ones we loved from hurt. A carefully selected word could make the difference between resonant and constructive criticism and some metaphorical trench digging, each person refusing to budge from their fortified belief that they are right.

But, I diverge with my suggestion. Admittedly, that tact is not one I can say I’ve come even close to mastering.

Back to my original inquiry: When, in our cuddle-buddy relationships, should reason and emotion, each prevail? First, I want to briefly describe the benefits, which I believe each trait offers. The essence of reason’s benefit, we have largely explored already. Reason helps us to isolate someone’s true motivation for certain behavior. Frequently, someone’s actions contradict intent. Maybe the intent was pure and in good faith, but maybe it appeared otherwise. Maybe your significant other orchestrated what, to an onlooker, would appear to be an expression of unadulterated love. And yet, knowing the circumstances behind the act, you are well aware of just how audacious and inappropriate it is. An example of the latter might be a date to TV-laden Buffalo Wild Wings as an attempt to allay your partners concerns that, "you do not spend quality time together." Staring intently at multiple games, amidst incessant ambient noise probably does not equate to what your lover had in mind. Hint; think candle-lit picnic, hiking trip, or vacation in an igloo. Anything that (silently of course) screams, my sole focus right now is you.

What else can reason do for you, you ask? I’m undoubtedly not some sage old guy upon a mountaintop with an extensive list for you; but, for me, there are three critical benefits, which come to mind. Reason enables us to ascertain a significant other’s motivation for doing something. So often, actions defy what we understand to be the core of their personality. But it is exactly our sturdy grasp on who they are, which helps us to realize what exactly prompted their act.

I like examples, so here is another simplistic scenario in, which this dynamic might apply. Person A has been particularly hostile for a few days; their responses to intelligent questions and attempts to make conversation have been curt and, occasionally, demeaning. A bystander would (reasonably so) conclude that this person is a most splendid variety of jackass. However, your knowledge of their behavior under various pressures is infinite. As such, you begin to incorporate present happenings in their life, into your assessment of their behavior. And once you do so, you instantaneously become more sympathetic and loving. There is the new job, which they’ve just begun; you know they feel pressured to succeed. There is drama with their family and you know that this certainly weighs heavily on their mood. A number of devastatingly violent attacks have occurred throughout the world in recent days and you know they are disheartened. Within a minute, your use of reason has totally altered your feelings toward them. Had you acted purely on emotion and reacted only to the rude behavior directed toward you, things would almost certainly have unnecessarily devolved between the two of you. You’d end up on an air mattress for a few days. Your significant other might falter at work because of the hostility she senses between herself and her strongest pillar of support. Instead, by acting with reason at the helm, you’ve both avoided a shipwreck (like that analogy?); she is grateful for you patience even under her and your duress and you are self-content with yourself for acting calmly and compassionately. Break out the wine and good vibes and enjoy.

The fifth from last sentence of the last paragraph (go on and give yourself a headache trying to determine, which is the damn fifth to last sentence…it was hard for me…sorry) transitions smoothly into the next benefit of using reason in your relationships. Stepping back from your partner’s immediate behavior and considering it only a single variable in a larger equation, is essentially a profound shift in perspective. You’re not ignoring the immediate stimuli at hand (the hypothetical repeated eye-rolls and heavy objects tossed at your head when you try to make conversation) but you’re also not considering it the sole explanation for their behavior. You’re granting equal parts to near and far-sightedness. If that doesn’t make sense, too bad, it sounded poetic, so I’m leaving it.

Lastly, and for the sake of being unique, maybe it damn well is least; reason helps you to identify what the alternative might be if the situation did not progress as it is. Sometimes, your significant other handles a situation in a way that irks you. A coal-fire oven is lit inside your soul and you just bristle at what they’ve done. You might even consider a number of very horrible pranks to play on them in retribution. However, you realize you are not actually clever enough to successfully orchestrate any of them. You also shun the idea of sleeping on that unsteady air mattress. So, instead of fomenting hell between the two of you, you bottle your sentiments. But then a realization smacks you in the cranium. If you were presented with a very similar situation, you’d likely have handled it in an identical manner, or perhaps even less admirably. Again, your small shift in perspective yields an incredibly different lens through which to view the situation. All of a sudden – and to the disdain of your ego, which firmly believed its anger was warranted – you understand that, while you might not think it ideal, your home-slice handled the situation just as you would have. Knock your ego down a few notches, admit your audacity and tell them you respect their composure under adversity. Then go break out some wine and good times.