To the man who loves me next,

I want to start off by saying sorry. I'm sorry for not trusting you, even though you've given me no reason not to. I'm sorry for always assuming the worst. I'm sorry for always questioning your dedication to me. Most of all, I'm sorry for continuously telling you sorry. Over and over again.

I'm a disaster.

This is true, but I need you to love me regardless. These past few years have been the hardest of my life, and as much as I hate to admit it, they have taken a toll on me. I'm battling demons you will see and some you will not. Some that will make sense to you and some that will seem irrational. I'm a storm that is not easy to love, but no one is perfect. All I ask is that you be patient with me and love me, even when you don't like me. We will fight and there are going to be days you can't stand to look and me, and that's okay. As long as you vow to take me as I am and always have a forgiving heart.

I don't trust easily anymore.

I've always been told to let the past go and not allow it to change you, but I just can't seem to shake it. Being cheated on leaves a mark on you that you carry into all your future relationships, especially when it seems to be a quality all of your relationships contained. I will probably question your actual intentions with me. I will probably wonder if I'm the only one you're telling those sweet things to. I will more than likely overthink and overanalyze everything you say. And I am truly sorry. It's not fair to you, but I truly hope that you can choose to love me while I overcome and try to become the girl you need.

I don't, nor have I ever, been one to play games.

I've always been the type of girl that puts stock into the relationships I was in and always chose commitment over one night stands. I've always been the one that was told I "took things too seriously" and "was too young to love," but at what age is love allowed? I can promise you that when you decide to take on a love life with me, what you see is what you get. I don't put on fronts and I won't play with your heart. I'll give you everything I am and vow to protect your heart so that it never feels the pain of a relationship filled with games. I just hope that you handle my previously scared heart with caution as well.

I'll tell you "I'm sorry" a million times a day.

I'm sure it won't take you long to notice this or for it to annoy you. There's a reason for this, I promise. I come from a past relationship where everything I said, did, and wore was wrong. A relationship where I was forced to constantly apologize for every step that I ended up taking. It became so second nature, that I continued it into this relationship. I'll apologize for everything I do or say that may aggravate or offend you. I'll even apologize for apologizing too much. I do this out of fear. Fear that you will find those same terrible qualities in me that he did, and decide that they're too much to take on. I fear that you'll get mad to a point where we can't turn it back. I apologize to lessen the blow in hopes that I can make you see the good in me.

I'll act like I don't need you, even when I do.

You see, I was raised to always fend for myself and to be able to stand on my own two feet. My values were instilled in me by a man who never wanted me to have to turn to the male variety to survive. I was always told to be independent and strive for the life that I wanted, and when/if a man worthy came along, only then could I let him in. Sure, I've entered several relationships while not listening to the advice and it didn't end very well for me. I'm a princess, always was from birth, but I don't need a prince to survive. Don't get me wrong, there will be times where I will need a shoulder to cry on or someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. In those times will be when I resist the most, but those are the times I will need you the most. I've always felt like I've had to carry my burdens on my own, I just need you to show me that I don't have to.

It won't be perfect. There will be hard times and bumps in the road that will test our relationship. I promise to support you through these times and always bet on us. I promise to always shower you with love and the kind words that you need to get through this crazy life. It won't be easy, but as long as you promise to do the same, what can get in our way?