Jessica Day on the hit television show, New Girl, couldn’t have said it better herself in an episode about her “menzies” when she said, “I want to murder someone and I also want soft pretzels.” A girl's time of the month is both a blessing and a curse.
1. SURPRISE!
Mother Nature has called, and awoken you with a nice surprise. Whether you just woke up or are sitting in class, Mother Nature doesn’t care where you are. She delivers the monthly gift on her time, no ifs, ands, or buts. It’s a gift we don’t ask for, but we have to accept. Just like junk mail and jury duty – you don’t want it, but you get it anyway.
2. “It feels like a fat man is sitting on my uterus!”
Cramps are a girl's worst nightmare. They double you over in pain, and make you wish you weren’t alive (and you’re being overly dramatic because you’re on your period, duh). Not to mention your back hurts, you’re bloated, and your tits are swollen. Your eyes probably hurt too from crying about everything and nothing at all.
3. Watch the Crotch - Paranoia
You’re extra cautious this week, always having to watch your back. Constantly paranoid that you’ll leak through your pants, you are checking your chair to make sure you didn’t leave a blood trail…
4. R.I.P. Underwear
Your new lacy pink panties from Victoria Secret are now destroyed from the murder scene that just happened in your pants. Aunt Flow once again always gives her surprise gifts at the wrong time. WHY WASN’T I WEARING MY HANES TODAY??
5. Sneezing/Laughing
Everyday occurrences such as laughing and sneezing are no longer innocent. If you’re not careful, these actions can turn you into a human squirt gun. You pray that your tampon will absorb the blow.
6. The Smell
*I hope nobody else can smell that*
7. Limitations
You can’t wear your cute white pants. You don’t want to swim, much less work out, or even get out of bed for that matter. You feel weighed down. Your period is your own ball and chain.
8. Emotionally Unstable
Anything and everything will set you off. You can be fuming one minute and then bawling your eyes out the next. And then you’re hysterically laughing. “What’s wrong with me?”
Even though you’re a sobbing, aching, bloody mess, there are pros to getting your period…
9. God’s Given You Monthly Pregnancy Test
Hallelujah you're not pregnant! As much as you hate T.O.M. (time of the month) you can’t help but to rejoice and let out a sigh of relief. There are no buns in your oven!
10. Cock Block
Bad date or not in the mood? It doesn’t matter if it’s your time of the month or not – “I’m on my period” is always a good excuse when needed to get out, fast. When those magic words escape your mouth, it’ll send the guy running for the hills.
11. Unspoken Free Pass
You’re allowed to stay in bed all day, eat massive amounts of chocolate (or your other guilty pleasure), and watch sappy movies just because you can.
12. Sympathy Card
Along with the free pass, girls also give out the sympathy card between one another. We understand each other’s pain. You want ice cream? I’ll go buy ice cream for us to share. No further questions asked.
13. Bubble Baths
Bubble baths every night because well, it’s necessary. There is nothing better than sinking into a steamy warm tub filled with bubbles and water when those aches and pains get the best of you. Sure, go ahead and soak for an hour or two.
14. Misery Loves Company
We all have our special experience with the menstrual cycle, and we love to compare details. The good, bad and ugly. As weird as it may be, we bond over our cycle. If two girls get their periods at the same time, it creates an instant friendship. We bond over the idea that we can be miserable for a week together.
Periods are just part of being a girl. It happens whether we want it to or not. Don’t fight it, just roll with it.
