The thing about being lonely is that sometimes it hits you out of nowhere
You don't even realize until your in a room full of people but all you do is blankly stare
Your mind is in a whole other world, far from the laughter and conversation
So many thoughts on your mind, but you wouldn't dare to say it
No, no never because once one word is uttered all the rest will come tumbling out like a mistake you never meant to make
From your lips to their ears, you're just rambling on and on but for you it's like a prescription pill you forgot to take
Letting these harbored emotions out is therapeutic for you
You're digging deep and realizing things you never knew
But of course this is all in your head
The things you want to say but instead go unsaid
Uncovering your wounds to those you care about it is something you want to do
But it goes unsaid that once you do, they'll see the real you
They'll discover that the shimmer in your eyes, the laughter, your smile was nothing but a disguise
A coy distraction from what was real because you no longer wanted to feel
You no longer wanted to give your all to someone just to have it all crumble and fall
You didn't want to get a taste of happiness anymore, just for it to be taken from you, for it to be another closed door
But really and truly you didn't want to feel the nagging pull of pain at your heart strings
And despite your best efforts, you couldn't do a thing
So why try? Why live a life in truth when it's easier to live in a lie?
When it's easier to say I'm fine when really all that is is a deny
When listening to others vent is easier too because it prevents you from saying what you really want to
Because, see, when you listen there's no need to mention your minds true intentions
That you don't mind listening and pretending your fine, if it means they'll be alright
But sometimes you just wish someone would ask "how are you" and when they see your smile followed by a that's fine, they'll know it's a lie
Your mask will no longer work because when they look in your eyes they'll see the depth of your hurt
And that's all you wanted, was to be considered and know that your feelings mattered
Because bottling up your emotions night after night will only last so long before the glass breaks and the truth is brought to light
