I prefer to go to the grocery store at night right before they close. There’s less people, and I can actually browse and shop without being accosted by shopping carts. For the most part, I feel like it is safer. I can park in a lit area, close to the front of the store. There are usually cart attendants within close proximity that can see me if anything were to happen. I was on my way in this past week, parking reasonably close to the door. I was thinking that there were a lot of cars for 10 p.m. on a weeknight. I strategically collected everything that I needed before unlocking the door, leaning out in one swift motion, and locking my car quickly. I proceeded to the entrance at a determined pace. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a car pull up next to me. I kept my gaze straight. Of course it was nothing. This was a parking lot after all. The driver rolled their window down, and started talking to me, trying to flirt with me. Sirens blared beneath my skin as I realized the car was close enough for me to touch. I felt adrenaline pumping through my chest. Fight or flight. I tried not to seem affected, or even indicate that I could hear him. I quickened my pace, and felt relief at the sight of people as I strutted right into the store.

In that second, a million things had flashed through my mind. First of all, stranger danger. I’m a woman alone in a parking lot. I have a wrist-let with me carrying the meager amount of money I need for food. There is a car coasting uncomfortably close to me. I’ve seen these movies. This is how people get snatched. A random man of unknown build is trying to get my attention, and I have no idea if I will manage to piss him off, or what his reaction will be. Isn’t it sad that I have to think about the reaction of an unknown man to unwanted attention just to consider my own safety? Inside my mind I was slamming my hand on the hood of his car, screaming, “F*** off! Who the f*** do you think you are?”

Where did he even think this was going? Sure, I’ll just walk up to your window and twiddle my hair. You’re definitely hotter than everyone I know, and well worth the risk. You manage to be so interesting in these ten seconds of conversation that we have had. I was on my way into the grocery store about to purchase a week of healthy meals that I’ve meticulously planned, but it can wait. Sure, I’ll hop in your car. When I try to understand the logic of people that catcall, I realize that there is none.

I mentioned unknown build for a reason… I absolutely size people up that make me uncomfortable. If man (or woman for that matter) was traveling uncomfortably close, I size them up. I think of multiple ways I could take him down. I refuse to let anyone make me feel cornered anymore, but that’s another story. The bigger they are, and the more muscular they are, the more my ways out of situations become narrower and narrower.

Why are so many women taking self-defense classes? Krav maga? Why do they feel inclined to travel with pepper spray and tazers? Why do we send our daughters out with rape whistles? We tell our kids not to talk to strangers. We try to teach them how to get by. You can do everything right. It doesn’t really matter. We might as well say, “Have fun sweetie. I hope nothing happens to you, but if it does it’s not your fault.” Women shouldn’t have to be James Bond to feel comfortable going out in public. We shouldn’t have to have a knowledge of guns and martial arts in order to protect ourselves. We’ve created a society of women functioning on defense rather than focusing on why they have to defend themselves. I hope one day I’ll see a world where women are no longer afraid and can travel in society just as men. I hope that one day our girls will no longer have to be trained how not to get hurt.