At this point in time, I am about to complete my fourth year in pharmacy school out of six in St. John’s University. To be quite honest, I can’t regurgitate half the scientific and clinical information I’ve learned here because it’s just too much, but as I’ve been told, practice and working will align all the stars and everything will just make sense. I am definitely banking on that, but I’ve learned more than just how to compound drugs and manage drug therapy. I’ve learned a lot about myself, about people, and about the reality I live in- remarkably different than the bubble I was raised in. The picture isn’t entirely clear just yet, but progress has definitely been made.
First lesson I learned was becoming a jack of all trades. I know most people don’t expect that as a response but I took everything from theology and philosophy to the drugs and diseases of the nervous system. I took basic economics, biology, chemistry, literature evaluation, classes that require interning in pharmacies, and much more. Am I an expert at any of these things? Well, hopefully I should be with all the pharmacy related topics soon, but generally speaking, no. I am not. What it has done however, is allow me to approach anything that comes my way with a wide lens, and learn new things without such a steep learning curve. I may not be comfortable in every environment, but I am quick to adapt. It has helped me better understand politics, belief systems, scientific discoveries and countless other practical things.
Second was acceptance. I was never the best at anything I did to be quite honest, although I set high standards for myself. I came into college with that understanding and a sense of humility. Pharmacy School is truly something special though where it managed to take my already modest standards and throw them out the window and into an abyss of shame and broken dreams. Thankfully I still do modestly well, but the amount of times I’ve embarrassed myself and received a miserably low grade after spending weeks studying are innumerable. If my GPA were an animal, it would be a baby eagle learning to fly; it began so high on that cliff and fell so fast when it realized it couldn’t actually fly, but it falls slow enough where it doesn’t die by flapping its wings in panic and hysteria. That being said, grades don’t define who you are or your capability. They are a good measure and it’s vital to always aim for the best grade, but the results are not always an indicator of your understanding and those losses become the callous you need to tackle the real world.
Third was an understanding that no matter what path you walk in life, you will meet people with completely different values. I’m becoming a pharmacist because the subject interests me and I can make a difference in people’s lives, especially patient populations that are often neglected. Others are not the same. I’ve met people walking the same path as me but they did so for the pay check. I’ve met people in a career path that involves saving as many lives as possible who support health care bills that would deny millions of people health insurance and result in the death of countless. I’ve met people who use others as a means to their own ends, and people who betray their class so that they could earn the top grade despite others facing potential failure or remarkably lower grades. Pharmacy school taught me that there are a lot of good people with the same goals as you, but just as many that have an opposite perspective, even if it contradicts the basic values embedded in their future careers.
What took a while to learn was enjoying the little things in your day. I commute too much, I have girlfriend who studies even more than me, I have too many things on my plate at once, I have to put a pause on a lot of my passions and hobbies while I’m in school, and I don’t go out much. I had a few spikes of minor depression and a bleak outlook at my life, but things like sharing a doughnut at the end of the day with my lady, or playing a game of cards with the gang of friends, or just sharing a few laughs made me genuinely happy at the end of the day. I know most people want to go back to college, but for me it’s been way too much work. I actually think that pharmacy school has built me into the type of person who will more fully enjoy their life out of school with an appreciation for all the blessings and luxuries I have in my life.
In all honesty, I can’t list all the things I’ve learned over the past four years. Pharmacy school is a war of attrition. It’s the seemingly endless marathon that looks promising on the outside and just seems like a mistake on the inside. And shootouts to the other difficult majors too, because I know they have similar experiences as us pharmacy majors. But despite the challenges, and the trial of mental fortitude that goes beyond just exams, I have changed for the better. The world gets a lot bigger with every day you spend there, but so does your understanding; and with that, a bettering of oneself if you choose to. As much as I might complain, I don’t regret my decisions and I’m excited to take all I’ve learned and apply it to help both myself and those who need it most.
