A week before classes started I found myself with a surprisingly decent amount of free time, and after working three jobs this past summer I intended to make the absolute most of it because I had sixteen hours of classes waiting ahead of me for the fall semester.
On Wednesday of that week I went to the public library and signed up for a library card and search for a good read to focus my mind back before I was forced to shove my nose in six different books this semester. I walked in and went straight for...you guessed right the “S” section for a hopeless romantic’s favorite author Nicholas Sparks.
I was reading titles and pulling those that interest me down for more depth, and I was slapped in the face. Okay not literally, but with the reality of myself. I crave security, comfort and stability. I like to have a specific schedule of every event and to-do in my day and can’t stand when an “outside event” takes place. I like to know how things will go, where I will be and how it’s going to happen…and this is my biggest flaw. I went into the library that day knowing I was going to get a book that I knew the story line for so I knew for a fact I would like it. I grabbed one that I knew the ending scenario and I had seen the movie for because why waste my time on a book I MAY not like?
Sadly, I am this way in real life as well not just when picking books. God has laid many things on my heart, things far beyond my capabilities and even farther out of my comfort zone, and I’ve taken detours around them because I fear the unknown the fact I don’t know how this or that may end scares me. I understand the concept of life, nothing is promised, and take a risk so on and so forth, but that doesn’t diminish the fear of the future or potential outcome.
Sometimes our own desires get in the way of God’s will, and that’s when a choice has to be made. Will you choose to live for yourself or Him? Will His desires become yours? Who is greater? God sometimes uses things as small as a library card to humble ourselves when we aren’t clearing the stage and giving it to the one who deserves it. I have encouraged in my previous articles to live loud and live bold, but I, in fact, haven't always done that. It does look easier to follow our desires and live for what the world wants us to become from the outside, but that’s the thing when we accept Christ into our lives we are to be set apart, and those who chose the opposite suffer deeply within themselves.
This world will rush you, frighten you, push you, confuse you, condemn you, stress you, discourage you and worry you. God on the other hand stills you, reassures you, leads you, enlightens you, forgives you, calms you, encourages you, and comforts you. God’s will isn’t pleasing to this world, He chooses aspects to be outside of what you can do alone only because He wants you to become aware of where your help came from. I personally get frustrated many times at myself because I allow anxiety of where I need to go fill my heart, but it is written that I do not understand what He is doing now but someday I will and I take comfort in that.
The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you. It is okay to struggle when following His ordained steps because an easy walk was never promised, but He who began a good work in you will see it to completion. Weakness and insecurity will probably be the dominant factors in choosing to follow or not to follow God’s will. “I can’t do that, who am I to write articles every week for people to read and have actual opinions on, and I’m not an ordained minister who am I to preach through my writings. I’m just 19. I still fall, sin and fail to follow what I write on sometimes...I am not a good enough Christian.
What if I say something wrong or misleading? Maybe I shouldn’t write.” These are the exact thoughts that ran through my head upon receiving the email that I got the job, but sometimes it takes a humble person to admit they aren’t perfect but still imperfectly serve a perfect God. The decision to write for the Odyssey was probably the most nerve wrecking yet best decisions I have made thus far. I sit every week in front of my laptop and pour black letters onto barren white pages not knowing who will read them, but praying someone will find their missing pieces in the spaces between my words.
That’s what God wants to do for us, pour His story on the blank folds on our heart, and start a burning passion to follow Him over all. Had I chosen not to write what truth would so many be left out on? Sometimes it starts with a little spark that ignites a forever burning fire, and sometimes you have to reach the few to capture the multitude.
God has a perfect plan for each who chose to lock eyes with the one who has ransomed us, and though our footsteps are unknown they are secure. It is an incredible thing to know that in opposition to all you have done in the past or will do in the future, He still sees you worthy enough to have a story.
I, unfortunately, cannot finish this article. By that I mean I cannot give a direct follow up on the things laid on my heart because His work is not finished, and I have to surrender once again my fear and my unwillingness to step out of my comfort zone. I can end this article with the question has God given you a “library card” moment? If so…what will you take and do with it?
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.” Romans 8:28
