Dear Friend,

There are so many things that I have told you. Secrets. Hopes. Dreams. I’ve told you my past. I’ve told you current events. I’ve told you so much. But there is one thing in certain that I have not told you. Not because I don’t want to tell you, but because I don’t want to know how you’ll react to it. I don’t want to know how telling you this one thing will change your view of me. Will you stay friends with me? Or will you stop because of what I haven’t told you yet? I’m scared of what might come about me telling you. It scares me so much that I have just chosen to not tell you, I feel it’s better if it stays with me. I want so bad to tell you, but it’s not worth risking what we have now.

You tell me everything, at least I think you do. You tell me your secrets. Your hopes. Your dreams. You tell me about your past. You tell me about current events. You’ve told me your life. But do you have that one thing that you have not told me? Maybe because you don’t want to see how I’ll react to this thing you’re hiding? Do you think it would change how I look at you? Do you think I may not say I love you anymore? Are you scared of what might come about of it? Does it scare you so much that you’ve buried it and will never dig it up? Is it so bad that you don’t want to risk what we have over it?

To be honest, I’m not exactly sure why I’m so scared of saying what I want to. Perhaps it’s because I always think of what you will think of me after you find out. You are such a great friend to me and I never want to lose that. We became best friends in no time at all. It’s crazy to think of what my life would be like if we had become friends sooner. Or what would our lives be like if we never met? Now that is a world I do not want to live in. You and me not being friends? No thanks. Seeing you, talking to you, thinking of you, makes me happy. You give me life and you always make me feel better. It’s no secret that you and I are best friends. From the day we first started becoming friends, I knew there was something special about you, but I never could put my finger on it. It was odd. But it was also great. Life rocks with you in it.

You tell me everything. You tell me what boys are talking to you, who you like, and so on. You tell me I have to approve of any boy in your life, and I accept that job. The truth is, however, that I don’t approve of any and I never will approve of any, even if I lie and say I approve of them. The truth, well, I get jealous of them. They like you and you, most of the time, like them. I know it’s my job as the best friend to support you in that kind of stuff, but it’s so hard for me to do so. Maybe I get too attached because we talk basically every day, but still. You go after these boys and they all seem to end the same. You say you have trouble letting people in, but I’m already in. You tell me everything.

You send these mixed signals. There are times when it seems like you know my secret and you begin to show the secret that I hope you are keeping from me. But then there are times that you don’t. It’s so confusing and taxing on me. I just wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish you would tell me your secret first and then I would know if I should tell you mine. I know that those times will never come though. We could both be on our death beds and still wouldn’t tell the secret to each other, which deeply saddens me. But, I also know that neither one of us want to ruin what we already have. Taking the leap is always a scary thing. You could either make it across or fall halfway. It’s never a fun thing to do, but it must be done at some point. Will it ever get done? Maybe. Can you infer what the secret is from this? Probably.

I ask for your opinion on girls all the time. Mostly to cover up my secret. It seems to work, but then again, it doesn’t work. Your other friends can tell and I’m pretty sure they tell you what they think my secret is, but you choose to not believe them. Why you choose to not believe them, I’m not sure. I wish you would believe them and ask me directly that way I had a reason to tell you, but you don’t. Maybe deep down you know what it is but you choose not to ask or bring it up. Who knows? I want to tell you so badly, but I just can’t bring myself to it.

I do little things to try and hint at what my secret is. I don’t think you pick up on them, though. Maybe I need to try harder. I don’t know. I just wish I had some help, some guidance, and some advice on how to go about it.

I’m assuming by now that you at least have an idea of what my secret is. But, in case you don’t, I like you. Not like a friend likes a friend, but like a person likes their crush. Since I first met you, I liked you. They say it takes 70 seconds to decide if you would be able to date someone. In the first 70 seconds I knew you, I also knew I would be able to date you. We became best friends. Know what they say about best friends of opposite gender who date/marry? It reduces the chance of divorce by 85%. Crazy right? But you always ask me why people can’t just let a boy and girl be friends without thinking they should date. So maybe I’m wrong in telling you this, but since you know the rest of my life, you should know this too. I write songs about you. I write poems about you. I’m sorry if this changes anything for the worse, but I had to go for it. Maybe it will bring something better. I guess I’ll find out. I hope this doesn’t freak you out too much and I hope, if anything bad comes about it, that we end up like me and my other friend, having an even stronger friendship. I love you, forever and always.