Dear Aunt Julie,
My heart and mind have been consumed 24/7 by the thoughts, both good and bad, of your life since I last saw you. There has not been a moment of my time that hasn't been dedicated to fighting for you, finding ways to help you, and thinking about you. I would have it no other way. But since I lost you on July 3rd, my thoughts have been entirely consumed by you.
The last time I saw you is stuck in my memory and is at the front of my mind every time I close my eyes for even one second. As I walked into your front door, I somehow knew it was going to be the last time I would ever have the chance to see you alive. A tear welled up in my eye at the same time that the words, "I love you" came across my mind but I never had the strength to say them to you. I regret that.
As I sat by your bedside, I spent much of that time just looking at you. I know what your life has been like and I have learned more that makes me even more proud of the woman you were. I know now much more about the woman you've been for your children and your siblings long before I was even alive. I'm proud and blessed to have known you for as long as I did, and I know that my children will someday wish they had met you as well.
On the night you passed, I found myself getting ready for bed after an entire day of thinking of nothing but you. I was finding clothes to wear when out of nowhere I saw a hugely oversized t-shirt and put it on. As I stood wearing this shirt that came down like a dress, tears fell from my eyes because I remember being dropped off at your house where Danielle and I would stay and wore nothing but your oversized shirts.
My flashback of these memories brought a heart full of sadness but I know that's not what it should do. During that visit, you sat with your fist fully clenched and would not loosen it. You continued fighting for your life and as much as it burned a hole in my heart to say, I told myself to tell you that it was okay to let go.
I don't know how else to say what I need to say to you. All I want you to know is that you are gone, and nothing will ever be able to replace you and though I never told you when you were living, your life and your legacy will never leave me. Your loss has burned my insides deeper and darker than any other situation in my life, and I know that someday I may be able to deal with your loss even though in this moment I feel like I am dying right alongside you.
My heart will never stop holding you. My love will never die for you.
Always,
Your niece/god-daughter
