Life is a roller coaster. For some, this roller coaster has a few hills, maybe a few turns, but for the most part, it's a smooth ride. But for others, this roller coaster has so many twists, turns, loops, and hills that it's hard to hold on tight. Some people enjoy that ride, and others dread the incredible highs and lows.
I'm lucky enough to say that my roller coaster has been smooth for the most part, which may or may not be a good thing. For the most part, my life has been very smooth with a majority of my most emotional moments coming as highs rather than lows. There's been adversity in my life, but it was never anything that I couldn't handle smoothly. Being a person with a laid back personality, it takes a lot to the upset the balance of my life.
During this past spring semester, I experienced something that finally upset that balance. After what was already an emotional and stressful few months, it seemed things had finally begun to go back to normal. Spring break had rolled around, which allowed me some time to relax from the rigors of college classes and for me to start my new job at a place that I had grown to love, Skyline Chili. Everything was starting to balance out, until that fateful night when I was home alone during spring break that changed it all: March 17.
Sitting in my dark room, home alone, my house was broken into via a brick being thrown through the window in the living room. As I sat in my room on the third floor, petrified, waiting for the police to arrive, I realized I had never felt such fear for myself in my entire life. I refused to go back into my own house until my roommates returned from their spring break trips, terrified of the memories and trauma that now consumed my thoughts surrounding a place that I once felt so safe in.
That single event, the night in which a group of people thought it was a great idea to break into a house, is what sent everything that had been building up over the course of the semester into overdrive. I stopped sleeping, as every time I closed my eyes all I could hear and think about was the sound of glass shattering as total strangers entered my home. I stopped eating. I resorted to alcohol to distract myself from what I was going through, and I even broke down into tears and anxiety attacks multiple times while at work. I felt more alone than I ever had in my life before. My life roller coaster was in the midst of its largest plunge yet.
After about two weeks of this sort of behavior, it became apparent to me that I couldn't go on like this any longer. My roommates, my coworkers, my family, and the rest of my friends could tell that something was wrong, but there was nothing they could do to help me. The thought of seeing a specialist made me feel like I was crazy and that something was wrong with me, but I decided to suck it up and give it a try. I felt as though I had nowhere else to turn, and that only professional help would get me back on track in my life.
Calling the Ohio State Counseling Services was the best decision I have ever made. I've been seeing the same counselor for at least two months now, and I would not be where I am today without him. With his help, I found a way to come to terms with the traumatic event of a break in. I've learned that it's okay to feel as though everything in my life is not going well, and to just deal with one issue at a time as they come. No one is perfect, but it's how we react to our adversities that defines us.
After I began seeing my counselor, I started doing the things that I loved again. I started running consistently again, which is something I hadn't done since injuring my knee in October. I got back to hanging out with my roommates on a consistent basis and even developed new and greater friendships with two of them that previously were not there. My coworkers at Skyline have become not only friends but also a support system. I talked to my family more consistently and tried to stay in contact with those that I don't get to see very often, namely my parents, sisters, and grandmothers.
I don't like to use the phrase, "I had to find myself again," because that implies that I didn't know who I was. To an extent, I had lost my way. For some reason, I had stopped doing the things that made me happy. My life was so devoid of things that I had once cherished that I had almost forgotten how to have fun and just enjoy living, and that was something that was very hard to get back to doing.
And yet, here I stand today, as happy as I can ever remember myself being. My confidence in myself has grown to heights that it hasn't been at for a long time, I feel great with how I'm doing in my running program as I train for my fifth (!!) half marathon in October, and my friendships have never been stronger. So far, this has been one of the greatest summers I've ever had.
To everyone that has helped me along the way, and you all know who you are: thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I could not have gotten through the darkest time in my young life without the help of every single one of you.
It feels great knowing that I'm in a great spot in life as I head into one of the biggest turning points to date: graduating from college. I don't know what lies ahead for me, but I know that I'm in good hands with the group of friends, family, and everyone else around me.
I'm ready for this roller coaster to get rolling again, and I'm excited to see what twists and turns lie in waiting for me.
