If everything good about Sioux City was likened to a crown, the glimmering, exquisite jewel found on the front would have to be the La Juas experience. It's something that is hard to describe because there's an almost mystical quality to it. For those who don't understand, I'll give you feel of what it's like by describing to you the day that I lost my La Juas virginity, and how nothing was ever the same.

It was my freshmen year of college- winter. It was so cold out that if I had been in an airport my nipples would have been confiscated at security for being too sharp. Some of my friends whom I shall never be able to thank enough, thought up the idea to go and try La Juas. I was reluctant, because I had a full night of knitting patterns ahead of me but I relented and tagged along.

We arrived at the restaurant and pulled into the parking lot. As we got out, there was a real "I'm going to get shanked here, aren't I?" vibe in the air. But we carried on, and opened the glass door. Then before us lay a red abyss in the form of a stairway filled with people waiting for their turn to order food.

Once we finally reached the bottom of the stairs, we saw all the workers behind the counter running around like chickens with their heads cut off to prepare chicken with its head cut off. We stepped up to the counter, a middle-aged man looked at us. We all gave our orders, he scribbled some stuff down on brown paper and we took our seats.

Moments later the food was ready, and my steak burrito lay before me. I freed it from its aluminum foil and took a bite.

First, there was nothing. And then there was everything.

I took another bite and suddenly I was in a black void, and then there was a blinding flash of light and billions of stars wheeled over head like I was driving through a snowy blizzard. Then I was back in the La Juas restaurant and was able to see sounds and hear colors. I looked down at the burrito and saw the face of Jesus. I finished the rest of the burrito and cried into the foil that still remained. For, I knew that nothing in life would ever be so satisfying or enriching.

Thus, I placed my credit card in the tip jar. Bowed to the man taking orders and promised to name my firstborn child in his honor.

After I left, I called up the most talented artist I knew and described to him what happened. The next day he gave me this:

Ladies and Gentlemen, THIS is the La Juas Experience.