Life causes for a lot of thought. Right now my mind is settled on the idea of little humans. A little me. Like a seesaw my brain totters back and forth on whether I want or don’t.

Children are the ultimate responsibility, the ultimate sacrifice. Asking so much of someone to give, give, give to them. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a giver, at least not to the degree. It’s hard to give when you want to live.

Growing up this wasn’t a question for me. I wanted them, all of them. I couldn’t wait to be a Peter Pan to my own lost boys (just my saying of speech I hope I have a girl, if I choose to have anything at all ever) but this idea was exciting! I love being in charge, I love to lead and teach and be someone’s support system. You could call it taking care of people.

But do I need a child to fulfill those needs?

I don’t actually. Which is nice to know. I’ve done a good portion of leading, teaching, and supporting at my new found age of 18.

Okay so why else would I want a kid?

Raising children is one of the mightiest accomplishments a person can face. But it isn’t the only one. My jaw drops to people who can do more than just parent. Where is there time to be anything but?

Time. Having a kid kills a lot of the time you could be spending on your life. Unless they tag along, but even then it becomes about them. Can I relinquish my time like that? Probably, do I want to is the more important question.

Today I feel a lot of the reasons people discover parenting is harder than they thought is because they didn’t realize they had to give up everything.

Oh you wanted to go out tonight? Too bad, Jimmy has a game. You wanted some alone time with your significant other? Yeah sorry, Kelly keeps crying (would that make a cool band name?).

Recently I watched "Bad Moms" with my bad mom. But they weren’t bad moms at all, neither is mine. It just awoke the unfortunate reality of being a mom to me. These women were passed stressed to please their kids every need. Or they were care free of what their kid needed. The point in the end was to find a pretty balance between the two and by the end I wanted to be a mom.

The point is, parenting is difficult and having kids is a make it or break it situation. One I won’t have to deal with for some time, thankfully. Because I don’t have anything but time to kill. Thanks to not having kids. How my parents ever did it at 16 is beyond me. Round of applause for them and stay together until today. They made it through the rough parts dealing with my sister and I, but mainly her so I think they will turn out just fine.

As to if I end up with a kid or not, that’s to stay tuned to.