I was walking through town today (pretty normal for me since I don't have a car) and as usual I passed a girl jogging. Since it's a college town, I pass joggers pretty regularly and I usually don't pay them much mind. It's just another person going about their day like I am. However, today I just happened to look up as this girl passed by me and I have to tell you I was bothered by what I saw. In the span of those few seconds I saw caution, fear and relief pass that girls face. I know why and it makes me feel terrible.

It's no secret that women deal with a plethora of problems each day, just based on their gender. Sexualization, harassment and assault are just a few examples. I can only imagine what a woman has to go through each day just to find the courage to go out of her own front door. Do they spend time looking over their wardrobe thinking "If I wear this, someone might think I'm inviting them to mess with me, but if I wear this, will they think I'm ashamed of my body and who I am?" Do they give themselves a pep talk in the mirror. "I will not be brought down by misogyny today?" How can someone live like this?

To that young lady and to all of the women out there, I want to say I'm sorry. I am so very sorry. Sorry that you have to live like this everyday. Sorry that this is something that has to be a part of your routine everyday. No one should have to spend every waking moment looking over their shoulder and on constant alert for danger. It is literally the definition of terrorism. What's more, I am sorry for what it does to us all. There are already enough rifts in our society that make everyday life difficult. I see many of my straight male friends complain that they find it so hard to talk to girl, because she seems like she is on the defensive as soon as they try. Fact: they are, guys. Yes, you may be a nice guy. A perfect gentleman who would just like to be genuinely friendly. How is she supposed to know that? Can you blame them? I know it is difficult, but try to put yourself in their shoes. It doesn't seem so absurd. Remember that a woman may also see someone that piques her interest. Does she dare talk to him? What if he turns out to be a creep? What if he doesn't stop at words? Danger. Danger. Danger.

From what I've said, you'd think I'm trying to make out women as paranoid and untrusting. That is the farthest from the truth, but I want to reinforce the point that this is the world we have made. The woman that was the catalyst for this article was a young, white, college student and more than likely American (she could be from anywhere, but I'm going to assume for now.). We're supposed to be the freest and most tolerant nation in the world. If this was a reaction from an American woman here in the States, imagine the plight of a woman in nations where their rights and lives are much more restricted. Fear should not be a part of being a woman. Yet it is.

Now I'm going to go a little bit deeper down the rabbit hole. I am a gay man. This young lady was safe from any kind of objectification from me. I can appreciate a person's beauty, but in this case sexually, I have zero interest. With that in mind, the question can be raised, why then should it bother me so much? A gay man doesn't contribute to the problem of female objectification, right? Wrong.

Let me speak directly here to my fellow gay men. Here is a picture you might find familiar. Gay guy has a female friend. We hang out, pick with one another, talk about boys. You make a comment about her appearance. You might touch her breasts or grab her butt, but then you jokingly shout the justification, "It's ok because I'm gay." Giggle giggle, make another mimosa. (I love mimosas. Just saying.) Yes to you it was an innocent joke between friends. However, it is actually part of a much bigger issue. BEING GAY DOES NOT GIVE US A FREE PASS FROM MISOGYNY OR SEXUAL HARASSMENT! What we have done, is violated someone's personal space, physically touching them without their permission and then used a lame excuse to explain away our conduct. It doesn't make it any less wrong, no matter how we try to justify it. I know I have done this and used the same tired, lame excuse. It can't continue.

Let me take you back to the jogging girl. Her reaction. Doesn't that feel very familiar to you? Think about it. I have this same feeling and give the same look whenever I encounter a locker room. It was one of my biggest fears in school growing up. I may not have come out until I was 21, but that didn't mean people didn't know or at the least suspect. That meant danger. What if one of the other guys thought I was looking at them. That I was going to make a pass at them. It's still something that I deal with today at 27. I can't just go up to a guy I think is attractive and strike up a conversation in interest. What if they turn out to be a creep? What if he is homophobic? What if he just feels threatened? It could end very badly. I know I don't want to be another story of a beaten gay guy on the news or worse another statistic. (Coincidentally I am writing this on October 12th. Exactly 18 years after the death of Matthew Shepard.) All of that is the same thing this girl experienced today. That many women experience everyday.

As I said in my last article, I want to do more than just rant about a problem. It's one thing to point out that there is a problem (especially an obvious one like this.) It is another to offer something that help contribute to fixing it. It doesn't mean that the problem is solved, that take more than me. It take you. It takes all of us. Here are just a few suggestions.

1.Change your language. The way you speak is a reflection of your character. That doesn't just mean with women. How you interact with everyone. Engaging in misogynistic rhetoric with your guy friend reinforces the behavior. It justifies them. When you change your own language, they notice and peer pressure works both ways. Use to be positive.

2. Change your behavior. Body language is universal and easy to understand. When you see that a person is uncomfortable, the best thing to do is to stop. Not try to explain away your actions. Not even trying to reassure a person. If you approach a person, and you can see that they are uncomfortable with your presence, remove yourself. Don't think of it a punishing yourself. It's about recognizing that person's feelings and comfortability are valid and you respect that.

3. Swallow your pride. For anyone who knows me, they know that this one probably tastes like vinegar in my mouth. It still has to be said (and for me, put more into practice.) You can't just dismiss someone with a "it's their problem, not mine." I understand what you mean, I really do, but honestly we're being selfish and aggravating the situation. You're taking someone's feelings as personal and making their situation about you. It's not. If it is something you need to apologize for, do it. If someone needs their space, give it to them. You'll survive. You'll also be better for it. Trust me.

4. Remember that you are valid. It's easy to just sit there and try to ignore something that makes you uncomfortable for the good of not causing a scene. You shut away your feelings and just deal with it. Yes sometimes this may be necessary, but doing this constantly just makes everything worse. Find a way to comfortably and safely express yourself to others so that they recognize your needs as well. Keeping your head down for the sake of others is just as bad. It leads to anxiety, depression, and all around bad behaviors. It also gives others the chance to correct themselves and work to change their behaviors.

5. Be an ally. When you see these types of behaviors, speak up. Don't stand to the sidelines and allow a situation to continue that you could help deescualte. It doesn't mean you have to go charging in like Superman to save the day. It can be as simple as changing a topic or finding a way to excuse yourself and the uncomfortable person from the situation. However sometimes being Superman is called for. If you see person catcalling a woman on the street, for example (**cough** Standard... **cough) call them out. Let them know that their behavior is unacceptable. You don't have to start a fight and you don't have to make it personal. It one thing to call a person a pig or a bigot. It's another to tell someone that their actions or behavior is the problem. It's all about how you phrase it. You also don't want to make the person who is uncomfortable a teachable moment. They've already dealt with enough. Don't put them through more.

I realize that this was really long and I know I'm not the first person in the world (nor the last, sadly) to broach this topic. However, the more we bring this to others attention, the more we can affect change. No amount of articles or youtube videos or even sensitivity courses and training can do it. It take a conscious choice and an active change in how you interact in the world to do it. It takes bravery. It takes compassion. It takes you.