One topic that seems to always worm its way into my conversations with people is about my love life. I know what you are thinking, but yes, believe it or not it does exist. My "love life," per say, is not the norm. I am not into the random hookups scene, but I also have not settled down very much in the past. People have always enjoyed giving me advice or guidance on how I should be when looking for a potential partner. I got to thinking... Why should I be that way or this way or any type of way other than my own? What exactly is wrong with the way I do things?

Let me back track for a second. I certainly do not have the best dating methods, and I definitely could use a little more of a relaxed whatever happens happens attitude; however, there is nothing wrong with me personally and the way I think.

To understand what I am talking about I reckon first you should know how I actually do think. Let me break this down for you...

Step 1: *sees cute boy*

Step 2: *talks to said cute boy*

Step 3: *starts to notice that the interest is mutual*

Step 4: *starts to develop actual human feelings for this boy*

Step 5: *searches for something to go wrong, or for a reason to end it*

Step 6: *pushes boy away*

Step 7: *he doesn't leave immediately*

Step 8: *panic*

Step 9: *anxiety and fear*

Step 10: *runs away*

Now this is probably one of the worst habits one can have in the dating scene, especially for someone who hopes and dreams of someday actually settling down with someone and having a family.

I call this, the habit I have acquired, the Jenny syndrome. If you have ever seen the movie Forrest Gump then you probably know what I am talking about. For those of you who do not know I will give you a basic run down of the specific part(s) I am talking about without giving away the entire plot-line. Which, on a side note, if you have not seen the movie Forrest Gump then I HIGHLY encourage you to go on Netflix right now and watch it. Seriously, go watch it!

Jenny and Forrest met as children, grew up together, and yes you guessed it, fell in love. Their love story was not the traditional boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy marries girl. Instead it was more like a tug of war. It was a romantic saga that explores each of their lives as individuals before they can finally come together to make a strong unit. During this exploration of their individual lives you begin to learn more about them as people and you begin to understand a little more about why they do the things they do.

One thing Jenny constantly does throughout the film is metaphorically, and sometimes literally, run away from Forrest, who does nothing but to love her through it all, despite Jenny breaking his heart on multiple occasions; thus why the entire movie you feel like you are watching a giant game of tug of war. Jenny is what some might call a "runner", she runs away from things that make her happy or that she knows could potentially make her happy; i.e. running away from Forrest's love and desire to have a future with her. In the end Jenny finally grows up and realizes what is best for her is in fact Forrest.

Okay, so enough of the movie real and back to the subject at hand. The reason why I felt the need to explain all of that is because I feel like I definitely have the Jenny syndrome. I am sure there are tons of people out there, men and women, who have this unofficially self diagnosed "syndrome". Before I move on, do know that this is not something that you can go to the doctor for and get a magic pill then it all goes away. Unfortunately the only cure to this madness is to actually grow as a person.

*voice of a minion* "Whaaaaaaaaaaahhhht???"

I know! Crazy right?! Growing as a human being and trying to make yourself even better than you already are...who would have thunk it???

Although that statement might feel a little unsettling, (or maybe that's just me) it is just the facts. The fact of the matter is Jenny had certain things happen to her or involving her as she was on the journey to finding herself that she allowed to shape her into the woman she became. For a long time Jenny got into a cycle, that a lot of people including myself have found themselves in. She is treated a certain way multiple times, she starts to believe this is all she is good for and all she is worth, so she accepts it as her fate, thus getting herself into more situations where she continues to receive the same exact treatment that made her so miserable in the first place. Afterwords she starts to feel bad about herself and she wonders why she isn't treated differently. She over thinks everything, and eventually feels like she has no choice other than to accept where she is at that moment and then finds herself starting the pattern over. Once again she puts herself in a situation where she is allowing herself to be treated below what she is actually worth.

The ONLY way to combat that hamster wheel is to make a decision. It is a simple decision that requires some serious bite behind your bark. One day Jenny woke up and realized that if she ever wanted things to be different for herself she had to make things different for herself.

One of the greatest truths in life, that I have to remind myself of everyday, is that if you want something in life you have to go out and get it yourself. Most people are not going to wait on you hand and foot so you can reach your goals with minimal work. The few that do help you out will do so more with encouragement and support, and less with actually doing things for you. Those few people are the ones that you want to keep in your life for as long as you possibly can.

I found myself in the same cycle Jenny caught herself in, running away. Finally, after repeating the same cycle on multiple occasions, I decided I didn't want to anymore. Now I find myself on this journey to be a little selfish and do what makes me happy. I want to do things that will help me reach my long term goals. As opposed to things that will distract my mind in the present in order to forget the past, only to actually hinder what could have been great in my future.

Currently, I think this article is getting a bit lengthy, but I assure you that there will be a part two. I have always loved to write and right now I feel it being very cathartic to document my journey as I try to grow into a better version of my current self. This specific article may not have made much sense right now, but I promise this is just the ground work for articles to come. Welcome to the Jenny series, where I talk to you about me. Together maybe one of us might actually learn something about ourselves, and just maybe find the strength to actually overcome our fears. I hope you enjoyed this, and I really hope that you you continue to follow my story.