I’ve always tried to have things planned out and down to a science. It made setting goals easier because I knew what I wanted to do, how to do it and when to do it be it long-term or short-term.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I had my life planned out from point A to point B:

• Work hard and maintain good grades.
• Get my Bachelor’s, Master’s and Doctorate.
• Find a well-paying career.
• Do my best no matter what.

Straight to the point right? Well, life isn’t “straight to the point”.

I graduated from Columbus State in the Spring. The plan was to take a few more classes and get into grad school because I knew I wanted to go and get the highest education I could in whatever career I chose. Instead, a few complications occurred and I had to drop my classes and miss out on going to grad school this year.

To say I was devastated at the time would be an understatement. After all, this was my major goal in life – to go to school and be beyond successful. I had definitely worked hard for it, juggling school, work and a social life on a daily basis (a special kind of hell but an impressive feat to master). Yet, here I was – here I am, almost five months after graduating, doing nothing with my degree. That’s not to say I’m not doing anything at all; I spend most of my time working and everything makes more sense now.

But at the time, I really felt like a failure and I almost wanted to die.

I felt like I had nothing left. I was so adamant that my life would play out in a linear fashion because it had been for so many years, that I didn’t think that there was a possibility that I would have to stop moving forward. I was so focused on getting my degree and becoming whatever I had wanted to be afterwards that I had given up my hobbies and other dreams – that’s how sure I was about my own life.

Reality can be so sudden and bitter that it leaves one reeling from the side-effects.

I spent a good month trying to do whatever I could to make sure that this was my reality – I fought for those classes, I prayed about, I thought about it and I talked about it. Constantly. I thought it would make me feel better and that the answer would eventually show up; I even tried to find other careers that might put me into a school because that’s how much I didn’t want to stop. I was willing to just take anything if I could. So one day, I had to just slowly pull away from this concept that going to school and getting this career immediately would complete me. There was a reason I had to take a break and I just had to accept that. I needed to focus on the now, not the past or the future. I needed to learn how to breathe again.

Now, I won’t say that I don’t think about going back to school anymore; I still think about it because going to school has always been a huge part of my life. Yet, it does not bug me as much anymore. I am starting to appreciate the small things (no debt, no homework for once, no needing to get up at the crack of dawn for class) and just enjoy the break I have with my family and friends. I am also taking the time to rethink my decisions of what I want my career to be. Do I really need more schooling? Can I make a career with my own merit and what I have obtained until now? I have these thoughts a lot, but I am no longer afraid and suffocating under the pressure nor do I feel like a failure anymore. I have succeeded in everything I wanted since I started and I have so much I want to do.

I know there are people out here who feel or have felt the same way and to that, I say don’t give up. Life surprises us so many times by being unexpected in a good or bad way. If you are ever put in a position that makes you feel like a failure or that life isn’t worth living, don’t quit. Chances are that door in your life closed for a reason or that you needed that break even if you say otherwise. I’m not saying that you can’t be upset about it: cry or talk about it as long as you need to. So long as you remember that life continues and that there are other blessings waiting for you.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You will be all right.