The standard is how we behave. It is how we act in a social situation, and it is the way in which we respond. The standard includes how we treat people, what we look to others for, and socially acceptable behavior. It determines what we condone of ourselves and others, and what we expect from friendships, connections, and relationships.
I have always been fascinated with how, as humans, we look to others for guidance. We look to our parents for approval and disapproval, we look to our teachers for their reactions to our comments, and we look to friends for advice as to what to wear, what to say to a crush, how to behave. You see, whether it is evident or not, we certainly all look to those around us, and our environment, for validation.
Validation - we want it. We need it. When I was younger, I used to tell my friends and family "I don't care what other people think!". I was mistaken. How could I not? I cared more than I knew, more than I gave reality credit for. It is difficult for us to deviate from the norm because then we are the minority in a situation, and we lack the security necessary to put forth an idea confidently. Think about it! So rarely do we want to be the first to walk into a classroom that could be full. We wait for others to do it first, and then we follow.
Going with the flow, what is socially acceptable, is fine. But who sets this invisible standard? Who determines what is socially acceptable? Those of us who follow and accept have influence over what is socially acceptable. If you see someone in trouble but do not do anything to help, it enforces the behavior. It tells that person "What you're doing is okay. It is not something that is worth making a change over." Often times, we experience this apprehension not because we do not care, but we are nervous to stand out.
But do you know who ignites change? Those who are able to look past their inherent apprehension to change it up. It is not that these people ignore their fear of judgement, and implement a blind side.
No, what these strong individuals have done is learn to overcome this fear. They have accepted that others have opinions, yet they have enough confidence in what they believe, and in what they value, to stand up for it. These people are the ones who set the standard, who have influence over changing what is socially acceptable.
We all need to realize our weaknesses in this area of life, and work diligently to change it. We need to realize the power we can have for good, if we are less selfish. If we get over ourselves, and our minds that say "Just sit back. Don't draw attention to yourself, here."
When you enter your 8:00 AM class and no one is talking, try being the one to initiate a conversation. I've done it before. You get weird, questioning looks, but after a couple of minutes, people are talking about their weekends and what they will do today. And it helps those who may not be at that point in their lives to initiate, to get involved. When the majority of the class is talking, and they are the minority, they feel comfortable, or perhaps encouraged, enough to join in.
So you see, it is psychological and very, very important. While I get that this is easier said than done, we have to start somewhere. This year, I encourage you to be the first in a situation to smile, talk, to break the ice. Speak up if you see something wrong. Do something that draws attention to yourself for completely selfish reasons. Break the barriers and watch how you will shift the standard of the room.
It is time we stop accepting the standards and use our potential influence to better them.
