In the world of music, a series of stereotypes have developed over time to describe each instrument and the people that play them. These generalizations, while sometimes relatively offensive, are the result of the direct observances and evaluations of musicians, and have, therefore, become widely accepted as fact. In an effort to avoid an air of animosity, these stereotypes will be compared to things we usually associate with happiness and sweetness: Disney characters. However, these lovable characters will be used to bring you the STRAIGHT SAVAGE explanation of the instrumental stereotypes. Warning: you might be offended.
Oboe: Donald Duck
Donald Duck is the perfect representation of the oboe…for obvious sound-related reasons.
Bassoon: Maleficent, "Sleeping Beauty"
While Maleficent initially seems sophisticated and even benevolent, a blatant betrayal ultimately drives a relentless plot for revenge. Bassoonists also appear to be sophisticated and approachable at first, but these divas will totally curse your children if you even think of critiquing their playing.Flute: Tinkerbell, "Peter Pan"
Flute players might be talented, but we wouldn’t know because we can never hear more than a soft tinkling from them. In addition, they’re definitely sweet, dainty, and good with their hands, much like a tinker fairy, but if you try to take what they want from them, like first chair, perhaps, be prepared for some major pouting. I guess flutists just can’t really handle not being the center of attention.
Clarinet: Russel, "Up"
Arguably the whiniest, loudest, and most obnoxious in the music world, clarinetists can be perfectly represented by this incredible annoyance to Mr. Fredricksen.Saxophone: Flynn Rider, "Tangled"
Like Flynn Rider, saxophonists are the charmers and the ladies men of the musical world. However, we must not forget that saxophone players are the epitome of band geeks, especially since they aren't welcome in any other ensemble. Sounds more like Eugene Fitzherbert to me…
Trumpet: Gaston, "Beauty and the Beast"
Everybody knows the “burly and brawny” Gaston was too egotistical for his own good. I can’t say the situation is much different when it comes to trumpet players. Oops. #sorrynotsorryTrombone: Mushu, "Mulan"
Trombonists like to joke around and have a good time, like this eccentric little dragon. Unfortunately, though, there was a time when Mushu was kind of a disappointment to his ancestors. Trombonists know what that’s like.
French Horn: The White Rabbit, "Alice in Wonderland"
This poor little guy was always late to everything, missing a lot of important events. Horn players miss nearly every entrance and every pitch, so…there’s that.
Tuba: Quasimodo, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"
OK, so tuba players are usually pretty awkward…and a little strange…sometimes socially inept…and maybe kind of weird looking…BUT they’re always such sweethearts, and it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?
Percussion: Goofy
Everybody likes to make fun of percussionists’ lack of intellectual ability and overall goofiness. Well, they’re not wrong.
Violin: Evil Queen, "Snow White"
Obviously the most narcissistic of the string family, violinists are like the Evil Queen, who would stop at nothing to be number one, even if that meant killing the competition.
Viola: Mike Wazowski, "Monsters, Inc."
This eccentric little guy might not have been very respected in his line of work, but his ability to come up with witty comebacks to Randall’s constant insults was pretty impressive, something violists can definitely relate to considering all the completely valid jokes made at their expensive.
Cello: Prince Naveen, "The Princess and the Frog"
Cello players are often regarded as the sexiest of the instrumentalists, something Prince Naveen can relate to. However, this means they both get around, and well, Tiana turned into a frog when she kissed Naveen, so I’d probably stay away from cellists so you don’t...catch something.
Double Bass: Mulan, "Mulan"
Double bassists are the most underestimated of all the musicians, much like Mulan, who is arguably the most underrated Disney princess. I know bassists are only capable of playing tonic and dominant, but c’mon guys, have some respect!
Piano: Elsa, "Frozen"
As you might recall, Elsa, although an extremely sophisticated and respectable young woman, spent years locked in her room hiding her gifts from the rest of the world, much like the pianists that never seem to leave their practice rooms. In a pianist’s case, however, this solitude and dedication to the craft is probably because social interaction is really just too much for them to handle.
Voice: Ursula, "The Little Mermaid"
Contrary to popular belief, the voice is an instrument. Unfortunately, when speaking of both Ursula and vocalists, there aren’t a lot of nice things to say. Ursula deceives Prince Eric with a beautiful voice, but is really just an overly-confident fake and a villain. Sound familiar?
And that just about does it.
In all seriousness, every musician should be recognized for their talent, hard work, and intelligence, among many, MANY other things. Thank you for being you, musicians, and try not to take this article too seriously.