I always loved growing up in America, knowing that we were called "The Land of the Free and The Home of the Brave." I never thought anything bad could happen here--until September of 2001. I was only 5 years old. I didn’t know the Taliban and Al Qaeda had been targeting the U.S. for years. I didn’t know our country was at the brink of war, but I did know that “the bad guys” had hurt a lot of people in New York City, and I was very scared and sad.

But my fear and sadness eased when I wore my red, white, and blue and sang “Proud To Be An American” happily as our country united after the attacks. When we officially declared war, I, again, didn’t fully understand, but everyone was so happy. I always thought war was bad, but in this case, the country wanted vengeance and an end to terrorism.

Sept. 11, 2001, sparked my curiosity. It sparked my love of learning about the history of our great nation and in particular, all of the wars our country was involved in. From the Revolutionary War to the Civil War, from WWI to WWII, I could sit and read for hours about the political motivations behind each war.

All of these wars, in one way or another, made America a better country, but since 9/11, I really question what this war has done for us.

I lived and breathed by the fact that the men and women who protected this country, both foreign and domestically, deserved the utmost respect, and I still feel that way 15 years later. But today, I don’t feel the same love for America I did when I was five. Everyone around me loved America. People wrote and sang songs about how great America was, and now we hear more lyrics about hatred. No one messed with the U.S. because we were the best, but we are being threatened by some of our worst nightmares.

I question every day how to handle my emotions when it comes to the mass shootings, ISIS attacks, and the social unrest in this country. I question how to handle my emotions when it comes to my own values and where they lie on a conservative-liberal scale. I question how to handle my emotions when it comes to our upcoming presidential election. I question how to handle my emotions when it comes to making a change and being part of the change.

I try to be optimistic in my views and tell myself that everything happens for a reason. I rely on God to help us through these horrible times, but evil is at work.

ISIS, for one, is evil. According to CNN, ISIS has made more than 125 attacks across 27 countries, which has ended in the murders of 1,770 innocent people. These numbers exclude Iraq and Syria, where the death toll is at an even more unspeakable amount. These people are terrorizing us, but no one is doing anything to stop it. I am tired of seeing people die at the hands of ISIS and the group being referred to as “the JV team.” How many more lives will be taken before the leaders of our world act? Who is going to recognize ISIS for who they truly are?

I worry about the people threatening to destroy us, but then see our own people destroying our country. All of this race and social unrest; what is that? Are we really that divided as human beings that we cannot become a civil, accepting society? We are all humans, created under the idea that we are equal and we will be loved no matter what. We all commit the same sins; we are all at fault. We are all police officers, we are all murderers, we are all churchgoers, and we are all brothers and sisters. Race and identification have nothing to do with good and evil.

Which leads me to my ideas with my own values and beliefs. I was raised to have the basic values of a conservative. No, I am not conservative because I am rich. No, I am not conservative because of my white privilege. I am predominantly conservative in my ways, mostly because I was raised Roman Catholic. However, I do have liberal values as well, and I have the struggle of determining what is right and what is wrong between the two. I support many liberal values dealing with social issues, but I am very conservative when it comes to government intervention. I find it hard for me to trust the government overall. I feel that our government has too much power and the people have too little. Our own Constitution starts with, “We the people of the United States…” I want to put emphasis on the fact it says ‘the people,’ not the government. We need a higher hand to keep everyone in check, but there is a fight for rights to be taken away, and we are getting weaker as a nation because of it.

Am I right? To me, yes. Are you right? Yes, you are, because I don’t have to right to judge your opinions and what you value, just like you don’t have the right to judge my opinions and what I value. If we all start respecting that we have different thoughts and ideas, maybe that can be the first start in rebuilding our broken system.

I see that what we value is a big problem with the upcoming presidential election. Both candidates give me nothing to look forward to. I do not support either of their ideologies and I do not condone either of their actions, so it is hard for me to choose a candidate when I don’t feel safe with either. I am nervous with whoever is put in the White House, and what I value and who I am as a person puts a lot of strain on my decision for who I am going to vote for. However, it is a complete shame that it is hard for a person to openly support Trump, or that they support Hillary because of the strong resentment toward both of them. No one has the time or wants to argue about their decision on who they feel is best fit to run this country. If they want to vote Trump, stop telling them that they are racist, and if they want to vote Hillary, stop telling them that they are supporting a murderer. Whether those statements are true or not, no one cares that you feel that way, so just save your breath.

I want to make a change in this country and I am hoping that by having a future in the media, I will. Who do people always blame? You got it, the media, and honestly, I have to agree with them. The media covers almost everything happening around us and it sensationalizes problems. I hope to be part of the change where the media doesn’t influence the minds of our citizens and gives a well-rounded, full truth to the people. I hope to be my own writer, and not just told to say what is written in front of me, because I want the entire truth to be out, not just the bits and pieces that give my station the ratings they want.

These are my inner battles as an average United States citizen, and I know that I am not alone. I know people want things to change because I find myself having this conversation almost on a daily basis. I know people are afraid to say what they feel and have this constant inner battle because they are afraid of offending someone. Our society is so sensitive that saying the wrong thing can spark outrage and resentment. I know that I am afraid to write what I truly believe sometimes because of the people I might offend, and that really is just not right.

This isn’t the America we grew up in and we, unfortunately, have to accept that. I want to love this country as much as I did when I was 5 years old. Will it ever go back to the way it was before? Probably not, but we cannot just sit back and watch our country crumble in front of us. We owe too much to our founding fathers to let that happen, and we owe that to ourselves. They always say not to worry about what your peers think of you. Well, I am embarrassed, and think our peers are looking at us as like we are a really horrible reality TV show. I don’t want to be the laughingstock of the rest of the world. Do you?