I can not decide if I like growing up or not. Whenever I think about it I find myself wishing I could be a lost boy, playing with other kids my age in Neverland without a care in the world. Then at the same time I wish I could see myself and the world around me five or maybe even ten years from now. How much will change? How will I change?

I want to be both young and old, I want to be timeless. But time cannot really move in two directions, the universe will not wait for me. The Earth spins on. Children are born. Leaves fall off of trees. Kisses are exchanged. Laws are passed. Memories made.

I look at my life and I think I want all these things to occur but then again I want the easiness of childhood. I remember playing outside and not caring about getting dirty. I would eat ice cream, and not once think about the weight I would gain. I would read books and spend time with my family.

Now everything is different. I hardly go outside unless involuntarely. I spend at least an hour driving back and forth to school every other day. My daily agenda is filled with studying, chores, working, and trying to maintain somewhat of a social life. I do my best to count calories and maintain a healthy diet. I make it a mission to go to the gym at least two times a week. Sometimes I find myself unable to just sit and breathe for a moment.

What makes this all so unbelieveable is that I am only nineteen years old. All I keep wondering is will I be able to maintain my physical and more importantly mental health as I grow older and continue to take on more tasks?

To be completly honest, I prefer to spend my days being busy insted of restless and bored. I feel as though my life is at a stand still and unfulfilling if I do not have a busy schedule. I like to think of myself as being in constant motion, always ready for the next adventure whether it is indoors or outdoors.

It is strange for me to think that with each passing day I am forming the bonds and characteristics of the kind of grown up I always hoped I would be. I constantly have to remind myself to live in the present rather than the past. I guess I have no other choice since the inevitable has come and I am now an adult.