You know that when people say “suicide is the most selfish thing that you could do,” that such a statement is actually the most selfish statement that anyone could possibly say? I say this because that phrase is such a “me me me” statement.
“I’d be sad if you killed yourself.”
“Your mother or this person or that person would be so disappointed.”
I find that these people care about you but by saying this statement they care more about how you hurting yourself or taking away your own life would hurt them more than they care about what's upsetting you. Do they ever really ask what’s wrong? Why would you feel the need to have such a cruel thought about yourself?
By just telling you that they’d be sad or the act would be selfish when, in fact, that comment in itself is more selfish than the act of suicide itself.There’s something very clearly and obviously wrong with that person, that person doesn’t want to hear about the long list of people who would be upset, that person is reaching out for help.
I want to repeat and reiterate once more that something’s wrong and they want you and need your help. The fact that they are even stepping forward and confessing their urge or thoughts about self-harm is hard enough. They don’t need a speech about the selfishness of the act, the Lord or their family and friends. Prayers are nice and the fact that you may voice that helps but, in that moment, that won’t change that person's perspective and outlook on what’s going in in their life.
If a friend, family member or loved one voices these concerns to you and if you don’t want to step into the role of helping them, tell someone else who is capable of stepping up to do the job properly. Words of encouragement and telling them how much they mean to you or even asking them what’s wrong goes a lot further than calling them selfish. Don’t you think that would make them feel even lower? If that’s even possible?
Console this person for as long as you can until you can find a proper health care provider that can give them the help that they need and deserve.
I’m not against religion so you can pray over them, pray for them and all of those glorious things, but I promise you the last thing they want to hear in the cluster of thoughts about suicide is about God and how taking your life would be an insult to Him.
So this article is me pointing out a few things, not in an berating manner, I hope, but, in the form of a soft nudge, telling you what not to say or do in a situation that is already very delicate.
The I, even though I know there are more than one, is not about you. It’s about the person who is in a very dark place in their life. They are looking for help, so please do your best when it comes to helping them.
