To everyone who asks why I cut my softball career short and to everyone who wishes to get out of a toxic sport...

I started softball when I was about 10 years old and absolutely loved it. Each season I played, my passion for the game grew. Yes, I started late and there were girls who had played longer than I did, but my talent was at their level in no time and I can promise you that no one had a work ethic like mine.

For me, even at the age of 11, practice didn’t end after practice. My dad would stay on the field and hit fly and ground balls to me. He would take me to the batting cage and sit there for hours upon hours while I hit ball after ball from the right side of the box, soon learning that I could do the same from the left.

When I was in middle school, I was never given a chance to prove myself. Though I loved the game, the coaching was toxic. Middle school travel and recreation softball is a time where you try and get all players out on the field to see their potential and what they’re capable of, but this did not seem to be the case.

I get that if a parent is a coach they are obviously going to play their child, I get it. But with this, it was more of whoever’s parents sucked up to the coach more or whoever’s parents the coach was better friends with, they would be the ones that played. I rarely saw the field and it came to a point where my dad had to confront the coach multiple times, for it was obvious I was the one being neglected on that team.

While there is bad, there is always good, and I will never forget the one coach who made me love the game as much as I did. No matter the score, no matter your ability, she recognized that a game was a game and at that age, the point was to have fun.

Now, this is NOT a 'woe is me' situation. It's real talk. This situation only made me work harder. My dad would always tell me to be ready just in case the opportunity to play came along. He taught me to never lose confidence in my abilities, something my coaches never did.

Entering high school, I was excited to start softball and play for a team where the parents were not the coaches. However, when I got there, nothing had changed. I did not expect to play much my freshman year, though I easily could have if the lineup was based off of true ability and raw talent rather than seniority.

Sophomore year I was finally playing, and I was playing well. I ended the year with a batting average of .405 and was listed as one of the top 20 standouts in the NJ for the state tournament, batting over a .550.

Junior year I was named a top player of the week in my county, batted clean up, and ended the year with a batting average of .421. I was thriving, I loved my teammates, I worked hard, so where was the issue?

This is where the importance of good coaching comes in.

Now, I am no coach, but I do know that as a coach, you need to instill confidence within your players. There are athletes who are capable of so much more than they think, but if you don't properly coach their mindset as you coach their physical ability, they will struggle. This is extremely important to start doing especially in young players.

A CONFIDENT PLAYER IS MORE LIKELY TO PREFORM BETTER. Confidence within a sport can transfer to other aspects of an athletes life such as their everyday confidence and actual self-worth.

A true coach should be someone that an athlete can go to for anything, not just athletic instruction, without feeling as though they are being judged.

Along with this, there is a difference between being a hard coach and being a mean coach. This is something that a lot of coaches I have come across need to learn. I am all for being pushed to do better, but do not degrade someone if they are incapable of doing something.

Coaches, you are only coaching a game. Be mindful with the things you say to your players. Once a game is over, its over; but the things you say to an athlete during or after a game can stick with them forever. With this, maintain a good attitude. It is proven that the coaches attitude is contagious to the team. If you're mad at the players during the game, they become mad at each other and even themselves. NEVER make an athlete their own enemy.

Lastly, remember that not all athletes have the same abilities. There is not one specific way to hit. There is not one specific way to field. There are multiple ways to do things that work for different players. If a player is preforming and doing well, don't make them feel bad for not doing things the way you want them to do it. And if you change what they are doing, don't expect them to get the hang of it right away or preform the way that they have for so long.

Five girls, including myself, have cut their high school softball career short whether it was this year or prior years. Yes, maybe we have had winning records and maybe as teammates we have a good dynamic together, but what is winning when you come out of a game feeling as though all that matters is that win, not the effort put in by the players?

As a coach you should not expect your team to always win, for not even the best teams in the nation always win. You should not expect your players to be outstanding every game, for even the best players have their off days. You especially should not punish a team for losing. A team should not want to win so that they don't have to run poles. A team should want to win to show how good their dynamic is and how well practice has paid off, and if they lose, they just continue to work harder.

I did not quit softball as a whole, I may even decide that I want to play club ball in college. What I did do, though, is decide that I will no longer play under a system that I do not believe in. Doing something for the sake of your own mental health is not letting your team down. Sometimes you need to do things for you.