I was in the 2nd grade when my classmates started "dating". At the time I wasn’t interested in anyone, and why would I be? I was only in 2nd grade! Yet the moment it became a topic of conversation, everyone was pulled into the “I need a boy/girlfriend” state of mind. Although our 2nd grade minds couldn’t comprehend what dating looks like, we made up our own rules for what dating was. Simply holding a boy’s hand meant that you liked them romantically. There was no actual commitment or dating involved, and I think we all know the reason. It’s in one word: maturity.

When boys and girls become physically mature, their minds still have to catch up. Maturity is what allows us to make decisions based on experience - not instinct. In the second grade, when I thought the others were dating, I immediately felt pressured to do so as well. I was not aware (in the second grade) that a girl could like another girl, or a boy would like another boy. Since my awareness of dating began in the second grade, everyone lacked maturity. My class still believed in "cooties" - if that's not evidence of that fact. Experience comes after the events in a lifetime. And we all know the lifetime of a 2nd or a 6th grader just isn’t very long. It has been scientifically proven that adults don't reach mental maturity until their 25. Which means we are all just a jumble of hormones and ideas during our youth.

Our childhoods should not have been complicated by the idea of "dating". That’s something each of us discover at our own pace once we’ve reached a level of maturity. I’m not insisting that everyone starts dating at 22 or 25. I’m just saying we shouldn’t be pressured into meeting someone when we’re younger than 18. When we still have to figure out so much in this life. I have heard of two high school sweet-hearts marrying each other, and it’s worked out well for them. But not everyone is going to have that story. Sometimes you find the right person that you can grow up with and learn from, but sometimes you don’t.

The pressure was always there. Somehow I had to find a boy that I liked enough to kiss or hold hands with. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a 2nd grader, and from then on I was stuck in that trap. That every day was an opportunity to meet someone. And while that is true, we shouldn’t have to feel burdened with everyone’s expectations. There is always someone that is happily paired with someone, and they are going to ask you, “Don’t you have a boy/girlfriend/partner?” You can say that you’ve been looking and you haven’t found the right person. Don’t focus on how every attempt has been a mistake or that something is disasterously wrong with you.

So when you’re ready to date, you may not actually be ready to date. It’s a huge commitment. You will start getting busier when you’re older, and then you will realize that there’s somoene out there waiting for you to text them or visit. And that will come in it’s own time. I really wasn’t looking for my boyfriend when I did infact meet the person I would begin dating. My dating experience will be different than yours depending on the smallest circumstances, is their an age difference, what grade are you in, are you in the same school/college? Dating short-term or long-term isn’t easy, but enjoy the experience while it lasts. Because I think it has helped me look beyound and within myself as well.

Happy singles do exist! (I have met them! And so will you.) It took me 20 years to find the rhythm of a happy single, but it's still difficult to hum the tune. Everyone feels the pressure to find that special someone, but it's better to wait and keep an open mind. The gender of your prefrence isn't going to notice you immediately, and you may not neccessarily like the person that takes interest in you. My best advice is focus more on how you see yourself. Don’t get bogged down with, “Are my clothes good enough?” Or “Is my skin pretty enough?” It’s always a challenge, but try to enjoy being with yourself just as much as you enjoy being with others. It is harder to find a perspective partner when you are trying to convince everyone that you’re worth it, and in reality, the only person you should be convincing is yourself.