When you know an accident prone human being, you can be sure that you will probably hear them muse over some mysteriously mysterious scratch or bruise on a weekly basis. Myself included. I cannot count the number of times that I have annoyed my friends or boyfriend saying, “Look at it! Look at this bruise, I have NO clue where it came from or when. Isn’t that weird?” Yeah, it’s weird, but I’ve probably said that same sentence so many times, that in all honesty, it shouldn’t even surprise me. Which sort of makes it less genuinely weird.

Accident prone people know all too well that literally no activity is safe. Even if you don’t physically move. Wanna read a book? Papercut. Sleep? Well if you are anything like me, you’ll hit your head on the wall. Paint? Have fun getting it in your eye. Go ice skating? Get bruised literally everywhere, and possibly slice your own leg on the skate blade. Nothing is sacred. You can’t even take a shower without the very real possibility of stepping out, slipping, and landing on the concrete floor. Yes, I have done this. Those were dark days.

Being accident prone is also expensive. Multiple concussions, several mysterious ER visits, 12,000 boxes of band-aids, several ice packs, three Costco bottles of ibuprofen later, and you’ve spent more money than you could imagine. I run out of band-aids at least every other month. What did I do to need said band-aids? No clue. I’m capable of injuring myself on even the innocent laundry basket. And the table… and the wall… plus my own fingernails and toenails. Being accident prone is hard work, you never know when you might step into a threatening and dangerous situation involving ramming your hip into the corner of the counter top.

Realistically, some sports just aren’t even an option for accident prone people. Do you know how easy it is to roll your ankle running/walking/jumping? Well, I do. I can’t even stand still and wait in a line without spontaneously almost-falling-over, let alone try to run around with multiple other people around me without hurting myself. Not to say that I have never participated in any sport. I have, and yes, they hurt me. I just became a bit more lax with even trying to rest my ankles, or wait for giant bruises to heal. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

So, to all of the people I regularly harass with stories of my random bruise of the day, I apologize. To my fellow accident prone friends, you are not alone. Stick together my fellow accident prone people. Actually, don’t stick together. Because then you might all get into one extra large, extra mysterious accident of some sort.