I lost my Papaw just a few months ago in June, and it changed my life. It changed me as a person. Nothing has been the same since he's been gone. Now that Thanksgiving just passed, and Christmas is coming up quickly, I realize that everything will always feel different, because it is.

His name was Steve Mason, but I called him Papaw. He was a proud Vietnam Veteran, and one of the strongest men I've ever met. He taught me how to fish as soon as I was old enough to hold my own pole, he encouraged me to adventure, explore, and to think differently. He was a true inspiration to me, always talking about things that were deeper than most people care to talk about, like space, and the creation of things. I'm a lot like him in that way. He was always wondering how certain things work or happened and trying to figure out the unknown. I looked up to him like a father, all my life. He talked to me like an adult, we talked about life, and he shared his many years of knowledge with me. He would sometimes vent to me, and I would do the same. I know he loved me more than life itself, and he made sure to tell me every chance he got.

One early morning everything changed. I woke up to my phone ringing. It was my Nana, my Papaws wife, another very special and dear person to my heart. I honestly cannot remember the words she used to tell me that we had lost our best friend, I can't even remember what I said to her. I just remember sitting there, for the first time I was speechless. What do you say? What could I say? It was like a light switched off, and after that I was different. I had to be strong for my nana who just lost her husband, and for my dad who just lost his father, and my younger siblings who just lost their grandfather. I pushed my feelings aside and did what I needed to do. I knew I needed to help my grandmother get through this tragic time. We planned a memorial, arranged for him to be cremated like he asked, and took care of other important things that needed to be done after his passing. During our talks when he was still here with us he had spoke to me about his fears of having to leave my nana and the rest of us behind, I promised him that I would be there for her, and that I would help her make it without him, and that's exactly what I did and continue to do.

Now that the holidays are here it seems even harder. I'm reminded more often that he isn't here anymore. It hurts and I don't believe that pain will ever actually go away. One less seat at the table at Thanksgiving dinner, one less present to buy for Christmas and one less hug goodbye. The holidays will never be the same without him. I know he wouldn't want me to be upset because he's not physically here. I know I need put a smile on my face for everyone else, I need to be strong, and I will.

I'll enjoy conversations and laugh with friends and family, I'll open gifts and enjoy delicious food. It will be another great Christmas. I'll catch myself staring at the chair where he used to sit, wishing he were here. I'll be reminding myself that he's there in spirit, and I'll hug my Nana for him. This Christmas is different from the ones in my past 23 years, though, it's my first Christmas without him.

So hold your loved ones extra tight this holiday season. Visit with them, tell them how life is going and listen to what they have to say. Time is precious. Let them know how much you love and appreciate them. You never know when will be the last time you have that opportunity.