The Holiday Season, As Told By A Bad Dog | The Odyssey Online
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The Holiday Season, As Told By A Bad Dog

All of the holiday hype through the eyes of a very bad dog.

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The Holiday Season, As Told By A Bad Dog
Huffington Post

The white stuff just started falling on my land, and you know what that means; the fun is coming. Every time this white stuff starts coming around, my people put out the BEST TOYS.

First, it's the tree. My people are so weird. They bring a tree in the house! Last time it was a tree just like the one on the outside. It smelled the same, it felt the same, it tasted the same, and when I peed on it, it kind of took my pee just like the trees outside. I would never expect anything different from a tree...until my people brought this really strange one in the house. This time, the green felt kind of odd, and the brown part looked really weird. It wasn't even brown! It was black! And skinny, and shiny, and when I peed on it, it slid right off! Can you believe that? How would everyone know it's my tree if my scent won't stick? Now the tree won't even smell like me.

Thank god they put all the same stuff on it at least. My brother and my sister always put these shiny balls on the branches for me. I like them, they have a nice crunch. Same with those little bones they hang on it, they're really crunchy and taste like mint! And that long sparkly thing they always wrap around it, I love pulling on that for tug-of-war. Oh, and the blanket my mom puts underneath for me; that's the best because I can take it in the other rooms with me and stay warm, but she always takes it back. I think she just doesn't want to let go.

Then there's the treats. My people make hundreds of treats for me. They even decorate them. Mmm, I can smell them now. All different kinds, they must really love me. Even though for some reason when my mom presents them to me, she looks at me and says, "no," really loud and over and over, whatever that means. She says it again even louder when I dig in, so it's probably a good thing. Actually, she says this a lot of the time...so I KNOW it's a good thing.

One bad part is that the white stuff on the ground seems to make my people sing a whole lot: the same songs over and over and over. For days.

But the socks? They are awesome this time of year. In front of the fire, there's these giant socks with fur on them, and I can fit my whole head inside! Even better, one day every time around (I call this the special day), when we wake up, they're filled with more treats! Toys and snacks and all sorts of stuff, but usually my sister and my brother get greedy and think it's all for them.

All kinds of things happen on the special day, actually. There's these boxes under the tree, who knows how they got there, but they're so fun to play keep away with my people! Then, when they finally catch me, they open them up, and guess what; there's even more fun inside. MORE toys!

Usually, my people disappear for a while for somewhere I hear them call, "church." I think church means playtime because while they're gone, I get to play with all the stuff, and I try to chew up as much as I can before they get back.

Then, there's food all day, more of those pretty decorated treats, and cheese and biscuits laid out nice, so I can swipe a ton in one bite.

This is when my favorite part comes around; all of these people come in the house...and you guessed it, butts galore! So many butts to sniff, so many smells, so many pets, it's great. They all come with more boxes of toys for me, too! I love how everyone opens them for me. Then comes more food, the most important food...the TURKEY. My sister usually gives me all of hers under the table, which is nice because by this time, I need a break from all those people.

Something about that turkey just puts me to sleep, and when I wake up, everyone's gone except my people. They're pretty sleepy, too, so I get to sneak into that bin they don't like me eating out of...you know, the one they put all the food they don't finish? Then I come back and lay on my brother and think about what a great day it was and fall asleep.

What

a

time.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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