The truth of the matter is, my whole heart is hurting. It's not easy for me to love or to accept love because I don't think I deserve it. For far to long, I was the girl that let every man who walked into my life use me and leave, so to find one that didn't do that was so nice but also so scary. How do you trust after being let down so many times before? In reality, you don't at first. It takes time to start trusting that this person isn't going to leave you on a dime and to begin to believe they won't just decide you're not worth loving at any second. I started to believe I was worth loving and that he was going to stay because he understood my crazy and I understood his, and despite that we had love for each other.
But loving him was a sacrifice that I asked my heart to make, and I gave him the power to control my emotions and that's exactly what he did. The truth about temporary people is that all of their lessons, good and bad, are permanent.
From the girl who "never dates" and would rather be single, it's amazing to me that any of this is impacting me as much as it is. I guess it goes to show how much I truly care for him. And I know he cares for me too, which makes it even harder. When you go from talking to someone all day, everyday, to not talking hardly at all it feels like a dagger; like best friends becoming strangers in the blink of an eye.
What I've learned most of all from the people that have come into my life, is that everyone is that for a reason or a season or both. For me, most of the time it's both. I don't get the privilege of keeping everyone in my life that I'd like to, but I have to believe that there is a greater lesson, and a greater gift that will come out of it. Right now, in the midst of the hurt, I'd sure like to know the reason, but I am seasoned enough in heartbreak to know that I don't get to know right now. However, hindsight is usually 20/20.
Temporary people are in our lives for a reason. Everyone I meet is either a blessing or a lesson. I am in no way unique when it comes to dealing with heartbreak. I can only hope that I see the lesson soon, because right now it hurts. It hurts bad.
