In June, I will be twenty years old. It seems very old to me. But, for at least half of my life, I've been asked the same question over and over again.
"What do you want to do when you grow up?"
That sentence really bothers me lately. Why do people expect young adults to know what they want to do for the next fifty years of their lives? I have been on the planet learning basic things like science and math, and how to feed and take care of myself in order to survive. That does not mean that I know who I am. I have my basic morals, I know right from wrong. But I'm still not sure what I want. I believe that's normal. What I think is not normal, are expectations that society gives young adults. There is way too much pressure. I need time to find myself and I am tired of apologizing for that.
I know that I want to be in the medical field. I just haven't decided if I want to work with animals or humans. I know that there will be sacrifices if I choose to be a Vet. An example would be waiting to have children. As a twenty-year-old, that probably isn't mature enough to have a child, I must think about that in my decision. God has given me the hands to care. And I'm proud that I know that. I want to use my hands to heal. I want to use my hands to comfort. I want to care for things as deeply as my heart will allow me to. But, I'm still struggling with knowing exactly what I want to do. It seems that if I hesitate, or take a moment to think, I'm behind. Whether that is behind on classes, time, or in my profession, I am behind.
As I think about this more and more, I've decided to just keep telling myself that it is okay that I don't know. I know in my heart that it's ridiculous to expect to know exactly what I want from life. So, I don't care how long it takes me to figure it out, or how long I just don't know what I want. Because in the end, I will be exactly where I'm supposed to be, with whoever I'm supposed to be with. I will keep telling myself to just let the chips fall where they may. Life is too short to worry all the time. In the end, I'll be using the hands God gave me.
