As a teenager I was never really allowed to go out for Halloween, but I loved it anyway. I was always filled with an insurmountable sense of chilled excitement as the day approached. The darkened skies, yellowing leaves and sharper winds seemed to signify the coming of my favorite holiday more than they signified the arrival of fall.

Growing up in a college town quite similar to the one I live in now meant that Halloween was never just a day to pass out candy to little kids--no, it was much more than that. Halloween was a weekend-long event, during which young people banded together, disguised as other-worldly creatures, and made offerings of candy and booze to the spirits of the underworld in exchange for two nights of epic partying. (Or so I romanticized it in my head).

Occasionally my parents would drive my brothers and I downtown on the evening of Halloween to watch as the ornately decorated characters slowly began to emerge--first in pairs, then clusters, then in droves. I imagined that by the end of the night they'd be everywhere, but I never knew for sure. We'd always head home as the sun was setting, and I could do nothing more than live vicariously (and enviously) through the stories of my friends the next day.

I longed to join the college students on their wild, costumed adventures. Their enthusiasm and fearlessness made them seem invincible, capable of getting away with anything. I fantasized about making a Cinderella-esque getaway, putting on an elaborate dress and sneaking out until midnight (or 3 am) to party with the older kids. I knew that if I could somehow join the partiers, I too would be invincible by power of association. I had no doubt it would be a memory to last a lifetime. It never became a reality, but to this day I dream about the adventures I could have had on the wasted Halloweens of my teenage years.

Now that I am a college student and can do as I please, I've finally had the Halloween experience I always wanted, and will soon have another. I'm less naive now. I know that Halloween is less about magic and more about wearing a silly costume with my boyfriend, grabbing a free burrito at Chipotle, and hitting the bars. But that doesn’t change how I feel about the holiday. The fact that I was deprived of the proper Halloween experience for so long makes it endlessly exciting to me now, however non-magical it may be. I feel like I owe it to my younger self to make the most out of every Halloween, and that’s exactly what I plan to do this year.