To The Guy That Didn't Say "I Love You Back",
You were my whole world. Every time I looked at you, I saw everything that I ever wanted in a partner. You made me laugh, you made me smile, and you would sit and talk to me when I was having a rough day. I never saw a future with anyone that I had met, until I met you.
You were the first guy that I was willing to pour my heart out to. I told you everything. You were the person that I felt like I could tell anything to and thought that no matter what I said, I would always get the answer that I wanted. You gave me the best advice and after spending days with you, I never wanted them to end. I cared so much about you and I knew that if I never told you how I felt, when I felt it, I probably never would.
So, I built up the courage after what felt like forever. I took years and years of butterflies, nerves and "what ifs" that had built up inside of me and finally acted upon them. It was by far the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life and still remains up there. Even though I felt like I could trust you with anything, the thought of rejection still loomed in the back of my head. I thought that when I told you that I loved you, that would be it for me. You were the one that I thought I was meant to be with. I thought that by telling you those three words that I would get the fairytale that I always wanted.
My fairytale expectations were crumbled when you didn't even have a response for me. My "what ifs" doubled because you never answered me back. I don't think you can ever really understand how hard that is to comprehend. You will never understand until it happens to you. When you open your heart out to someone and they don't respond, then you can talk to me about it.
It still hurts every time I see you because after I did all of that, I was never given the clarification that I so desperately wanted. There is still a part of me that wants to impress you every time I see you, but then I have to remind myself that no matter what I do, I'll never impress you. I wasn't good enough for you then, and I assume that I'm still not good enough for you now.
So, listen. I am at a point in my life where "the rest of my life" is staring at me point blank. I am encountering decisions that can change where the road takes me and that could effect me for years to come. As much as I would love for those decisions to involve you, they sadly do not. I am working on being the best I can be for myself and trying to make myself number one again.
Thank you. Thank you for showing me that I deserve someone who is going to love me for me, someone who will never be afraid to share how they feel and someone who will be by my side as I tackle life.
