"I can be a very flaky, wish-washy person at times." When it comes to my personal life, that statement takes on an entirely new meaning. Friendships, relationships, genuine career aspirations. Everything. It usually all remains in an indefinite, up-ended state. It's all so indecisive.

So far, the past couple of years of my life has consisted of me simply being a college student. Like many others out there, I was very nervous and on-the-fence about going and committing to something so life altering, but I knew it was something of a necessary evil. I need it to get where I want to go in life. So I went. And at first, it was so much. There were so many changes and new things to get used to, but once everything normalized and the newness of college wore off, I realized I started to have this feeling that I just hadn't truly been able to shake.

For the longest time, I wasn't able to put words to this newfound awareness I had gained since beginning college. Then, one day out of the blue, I was finally able to identify what that sense was. It was the feeling of peaking—that moment where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have plateaued and there is nothing else to be done. After some time in school, I began to feel that and it would not go away. For weeks, I didn't understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling because I had just gotten to college. Some people spend years and years earning a degree or two, and I had been here all of what? Nine months? I didn't get why I felt like my ability to be and do more was gone. I felt like my ability to learn more and grow academically was apparently about to come to an abrupt stop even though I was just getting started.

Now don't get me wrong. I had and still have the grades and skills to prove that my time in college was not a complete waste—my Spanish is significantly better, as is my ability to write on a whim—but beyond going through the motions of taking and passing courses, there wasn't this powerful and compelling aha moment that I had been expecting college to provide me, for as long as I could remember. You know that moment so perfectly crafted in the movies where the protagonist finds his or her calling, and just knows what they need to do to make whatever they want to happen, happen.

Like I said earlier, I am extremely indecisive. I knew going to college would be a time where I was meant to "find" myself and mature into an adult, and that is definitely happening day-by-day, but I truly thought with every fiber in my being that I would have an epiphany and simply know what I wanted and needed to do on this Earth after a couple of semesters in college. But once I arrived, I quickly realized how sadly mistaken I was.

I know that the further I get into my major, the closer and closer I get to graduation, my "path" will become more clear, but at present, that epiphany still hasn't happened. Maybe this slight disappointment I am feeling is a result of having this misguided sense of what college should be because all of the television shows, books and movies I followed growing up. Maybe all of those stories and ideas warped my perception of what the college experience should be like. But I know for a fact that the groundbreaking college experience everyone seems to have hasn't happened to me yet, and I'm kind of running out of time at this point.

Reality never truly meets the expectations we set for things, but I really did think that going to college would help me find that insight, that it would help me find my epiphany. There is still time. Maybe it still will. Who knows? All I know is that I'm getting ready to apply for graduation, and I have yet to decide what I am going to do with my life. It's the greatest feeling in the world.