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The Greatest Pickup Book

The Bible teaches us a lot about pickup

Oct 23, 2016

A friend once showed me this dialogue that occurred between this guy that admired a girl he attended church with. So he looked up scriptures and fair enough he impressed the girl he admired. This is how the dialogue happened...

JOEY: Do you have a boyfriend?

AGNES: Nope. I don’t want to have a boyfriend.

JOEY: Genesis. chapter2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

AGNES : But I don’t love you.

JOEY: 1 John 4:8 “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

AGNES : And how do I know you mean those words?

JOEY: Matthew 12:34b ” For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

AGNES: But how can I be sure that you’re loyal and honest?

JOEY: Mark 13:31 “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”

AGNES: But why me? There are a lot of girls out there.

JOEY: Proverbs 31:29 “Many womenn do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

AGNES: But what is it about me that you do like?

JOEY: Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”

AGNES: But I’m not all that beautiful…you’re exaggerating.

JOEY: Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

AGNES: What happens if I say yes.

JOEY: Genesis 2:24 “Therefore man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his Agnes, and they shall become one flesh.”

AGNES : How come you know the scriptures this much?

JOEY: Joshua 1:8 ” This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous and you will have good success.”

AGNES: Woo-ow, I can see you really love God.

JOEY: Psalm 34:8 “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

AGNES: Mmm. Ok please give me time to think about it.

JOEY: Philippians 4:8 “Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

AGNES: Aw, I love you already

JOEY: Revelation 22:21b …

AGNES: AMEN!!!!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Greatest Pickup Book

The Bible teaches us a lot about pickup

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It's not all morning coffees and singing along to the radio.

You can't just go to your room to take a nap in the middle of your classes.

Having to spend all your extra cash on gas for your car.

Speaking of money, you probably don't have a meal plan so you're forced to scrounge up some change or mooch off of your friends.

It can be harder to maintain the friendships you make with people from class.

Finding a parking spot.

It can be harder to be involved on campus because between your one, two, or three jobs and school you don't have much free time.

When you try to be super involved on campus, it can kill your sleep schedule.

It's impossible to do homework at home, but staying on campus isn't an option sometimes.

There are surveys and events that you can't participate in because you're a commuter.

Group projects are the bane of your existence.

Traffic.

Your backpack rivals that of a survivalist trekking in the woods.

Driving all the way to campus to find a note on the door of your classroom saying class was cancelled.

Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

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