Picture this: a young, fresh Steph out of the emo phase (but not really), thinks up a story. The two main components, a group of diverse teenagers (including an angst-riddled teen boy and a blunt know-it-all girl), and a record store. And there you have one of the most constant things I’ve had in my life for five years.

When I started this novel, it’s main plot revolved around being a sci-fi horror story, where Alex (the teen boy, with skin ghostly pale, and floppy fringe, at the time, that is) basically passes out in the result of a shooting within the record store where he imagines the teenage customers being ejected into space via the record store, and trying to survive, resulting in the gory deaths of his fellow teammates.

Of course, like all novels, this idea has evolved. For about nearly all four years of high school, Record Store (as I’ve never been able to think up a good title for it), has been a sci-fi horror story, filled with different gruesome deaths of the cast of main characters. But as I got into college, Record Store has turned more into a story of survival than of death. As I’ve grown older, I’ve wanted more and more of my characters survive, than to not. It may be me growing out of my angsty phase and becoming more of an optimist than I used to be, but knowing how it started to how it is currently is kind of odd to examine.

And it’s not just in the plot, it’s in the characters as well. The supporting cast has switched both names and characteristics, but the two main main characters have always been Donna and Alex. Alex used to be my ‘viewpoint’ character, rarely interacting with the setting and characters unless I wanted him to, preferring to observe (which is actually a line I wrote in). Alex’s voice was always deep and prose-like; essentially, picture any 2000s emo boy, and you have Alex. Alex as of right now has definitely been pushed to the back more, he really didn’t have much of a personality besides “likes to watch.” But now, he is a lot more fleshed than he used to be. He’s a lot more naïve, as he’s always been one of the youngest characters in the group. However, his appearance has done a complete 180, going from Generic Extra at a MCR Concert to an African-American skater-boy look with dreadlocks. Alex is probably one of the most loveable of the group now, being all smiles and ears.

Although Donna’s look has changed very little, she has probably signified my largest emotional change. Donna was very much an extension of myself, a Mary Sue if you will. A smart girl, with parents she didn’t get along with, who was blunt to the point of being an ice queen. Yeah, can’t see the resemblance at all. But as I’ve become a better writer, Donna has become more and more her own person than she used to, starting with her backstory being changed. In my various attempts to change her, she’s gone through many a renovation, including at one point secretly being the villain. But as for now, Donna is the main protagonist, taking the role of reluctant leader with a lot of complaining all the time. Though she may be blunt, she’s actually kind of a comedic relief character, being the deadpan sarcastic she is. And although Donna and I still share a similar personality, she’s become an individual, much like I have as well.

No matter how horrific, I have kept every single, draft, blurb, or piece of dialogue from Record Store, because being able to see how I’ve evolved is the most important thing of all. I can see my heavy-handed attempts at themes and imagery, my (quite frankly still) clunky attempts at dialogue, but most of all I can see where I was at each point in time. Novels are a piece of an author’s psyche, you can see what they value, what they believe, and how they feel. All you have to do, is read between the lines.