Wrestling with depression is a challenge that over 121 million people deal with worldwide. However, it’s almost more difficult to deal with all the negative thoughts that come along with it than the actual depression itself. Thoughts like, “you’re a failure,” “there’s something wrong with you,” “you’re a lost cause,” and “why can’t you just help yourself, and fix yourself?” are mere drops in the ocean that is the self-deprecation that comes from being depressed. It’s a merciless cycle that’s almost impossible to break, especially if you’re already prone to being hard on yourself. It’s all too easy to allow yourself to be overtaken by these thoughts, mostly because a lot of times, you aren’t strong enough to fight them. Or maybe, you just don’t know how to fight them.

When these thoughts snake their way into your head, there are two questions you should always ask yourself. Before you give in to the thoughts, before you give voice to them, ask yourself, “If I had a friend or family member that was combatting depression, would I say that to them?” I can pretty much guarantee that your answer is going to be no. You’d never want to say something like that to someone you cared for, because it would only make them feel worse and even more helpless than they already do. So then the next question becomes, “If I wouldn’t say that to someone else, why am I going to say it to myself?” Asking yourself these questions can be quite eye-opening, and it could be the first little step you need to take towards healing.

It’s important to realize that when you are depressed, you are not fully yourself. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Having your brain be a little off-balance is not an indicator that you’re permanently damaged, it simply means you are fighting something that is ferocious and devastating, and when you give way to the thoughts consuming your mind, you only make the destruction worse.

One of the best things you can do while you’re fighting is to be your own friend, your own supporter. You talk to yourself more than anybody else, so if you are cruel to yourself, it doesn’t matter how encouraging everyone else is. You have to change your self-talk from harmful to helpful, and you have to give it everything in you to do so. If you have to write on a notecard, “reasons to get out of bed today,” and read it out loud every single morning, do it. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a loved one. It’s equally crucial to remind yourself that just because there are days when you won’t be able to make it out of bed, you are not weak. You are not lazy. There’s not something wrong with you. You are fighting.

One final thing: you can’t win the fight against depression alone. Yes, your thoughts and words play a huge part in your recovery, but you must have a support system. You must surround yourself with people who will tell you that you can win, you can overcome this. Going to a counselor, a pastor, a mentor, or a doctor is also a critical aspect of recovery. And remember: just because you need help, doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s a lot harder to admit you need help than it is to just sit back and allow your depression to eat away at you. Getting help shows that you are strong, and unwilling to let the depression win. Getting help proves that you can and will win the fight.