To the group of girls who bullied me in high school, I would like to personally say thank you for the life lessons you have taught me. You have taught me that not everybody will like you, even if you have done nothing wrong. You have also taught me that not everyone will reciprocate my kindness, no matter how kind I am to everybody that I meet. And the most important of all, you have taught me how to genuinely learn how to forgive while leaving you in the past.
Do you remember the days when you would roast me in a group message with the other girls and constantly talk bad about me in order to boost your self-esteem and give you something to laugh about? Do you remember the days you would cyberbully me on Twitter, tweeting about me in order to try to seem "cool" or "funny" in order to receive favorites? Or the time that you would text me with nothing but rudeness and disrespect assuming you were better than me? Because I do.
How about when you chose to create an account with the TextNow app to cloak and hide behind an anonymous, random telephone number to text your nasty messages to me that couldn’t be traced, so you wouldn’t be held accountable. That was super.
I remember the nights that I would have, silently crying myself to sleep so that no one could know that your unkind words and actions actually did bother me; especially you. I remember the exact way you made me feel - insignificant, unimportant, small, and insecure. You made me question my self worth, whether I was good enough or not. You degraded me as a girl, knowing how hard it is to be a girl already because of your own insecurities. You made me feel as if everyone was against me, and I was alone. You made me feel weak. In hindsight, I now know everyone was not against me, and I’m stronger than I thought.
While it was happening, I never really thought of this as "bullying." Even today, I think of a person being bullied as someone getting picked on for being a nerd in school, being handicapped, etc. Until recently, I had a hard time admitting that the experiences I faced and had at your hands was bullying too. I now know that I was being bullied.
My experience of being bullied has left me with scars - not physical, but emotional ones. I will never forget what you’ve done to me for your own pleasure (although I do question how much pleasure you truly gained).
I’m really not sure why you chose me three years ago when I was new and knew no one, but you did. Perhaps you had been bullied, yourself? As the new kid at school, I’m pretty confident when I say I truly did nothing to deserve your bitter, “Die, Bitch” dialogue calculated to attack my self-esteem and self-worth. I’m proud to say you didn’t win. You don’t win.
I have chosen to forgive you. I am choosing to let go of the negativity that I experienced. Thank you, high school bullies, for making me even better than the person I was when I arrived. Today I’m stronger, more confident and assertive, and I know I’m a beautiful person with a kind and genuine heart.
