I remember the first time I ever looked at a magazine and realized I didn't look like the model on the cover. I was in 5th grade and I had a subscription to US Magazine. Every week I'd read the magazine front to back, not really realizing what I was reading. There was one night in particular when I was reading about the latest celebrity diet plan. The girl they used to model for this story was a tall blonde with blue eyes. She was skinny yet had curves in all the right places. Not a single part of her was imperfect. I stared at her for about ten minutes as I thought about myself.
I'm a brunette with brown eyes and in 5th grade I still had all my baby fat. I definitely did not look like that girl so I thought that meant something was wrong with me.
I spent the weekend running around my dad's house and not touching any of the food he had in the cupboards. I made it my goal to look like that girl.
The older I got, the more I felt like a failure for not looking anything like a model. Even when I learned that those girls were heavily edited, I still didn't feel good enough.
7 years later and I no longer have a subscription to any magazine but I still compare myself to the cover of magazines whenever I'm in line at a store.
I refuse to talk about my insecurities with people whose opinion matters to me because I don't want them to see me the same way I do.
I've cried in the bathroom countless times while looking at my reflection. I've spent numerous times wishing I could just magically turn into Kylie Jenner.
Some nights I consider pretending to be sick so my mom won't make me eat dinner. Sometimes I throw my lunches at school away. There's times where I go to bed instead of exercising because I'm so exhausted and on those nights I go to bed hating myself.
According to a study done in 2015, more than 90% of high school aged girls would change one aspect of their physical appearance if they could and when girls aged 9 and 10 were interviewed, 40% admitted to trying to lose weight at least once.
Most of these girls' distorted views of their bodies can be attributed to what is shown in the media. Ever since the WWII era Americans have held up being thin as the ideal body for a woman. It's gotten worse as photoshop came into use.
Companies like Victoria Secret believe that thin women will sell products easier. The only reason this is true is because those same companies have idolized ridiculously thin bodies that a majority of women will never be able to obtain. The average clothing size of American women is a size 12, yet everyone seems to think that a size 0 is needed to fit in.
If these companies would start using average sized women as the face of their company and celebrating obtainable body types then those bodies would become the norm instead of eating disorders being the norm among teenage girls and young women.
We need to stop holding edited pictures of women as the standard of beauty in our country and need to stop celebrating plastic bodies. We should be celebrating cellulite and realness.
