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The Girl Who Has It All, Even Depression

I am sorry because I am you.

Kylee D. Thornton

Nov 16, 2016

Lindsey Wilson College

152

The Girl Who Has It All, Even Depression

Dear You,

Most people look at your life from the outside and envy it. They see your instagram pictures of you and your friends smiling, they see you writing articles online, they see your good grades; they see everything about you. At least they think they do. What they do not see is the nights that you have engulfed yourself in tears crying about how you are not good enough. What they do not see is you gasping for air every morning.What they do not see is you cry as you get out of bed in the morning, because you fear that your feet will shatter from the impact of the floor. They do not see these things because do not want them to.

Many people including a lot of your close family and friends do not know that you have depression, they think you feel down and out from time to time, but they do not know that everyday that you get up you feel as if you have defeated every voice inside your mind that tells you that you are not good enough, and I am sorry.

I am really and truly sorry.

I am sorry that you are not allowed to state the fact that you are depressed because you are so great.I am sorry for the fact that when you went to the doctors telling them about your constant desire to die, they laughed, and told you that you have everything everyone else wants. I am sorry that you feel like you can not breathe without feeling your lungs crushing from the greatness that you are supposed to amount to. I am even more sorry that you do not see how great you are.

I am sorry when you first tell your friends that you are depressed they think that you are just sad; not realizing that you have been living in this state for more than six years. I am sorry that your friends have told you to get over it. I am sorry that one person told you to stay depressed so you can keep writing good pieces. I am sorry that you have these irrational mood swings from your depression and they have caused you to lose the people whom mean the most to you.

Lastly, I am sorry because I am you. I am sorry that I have let the glacier that in your depression sink the beautiful vessel that you used to be. I am sorry that I left you with feeling that your inner demons were your only friends. I am honestly and truly sorry. So please try to forgive me.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Has It All, Even Depression

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The Girl Who Has It All, Even Depression

I am sorry because I am you.

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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