I know it's hard. I know you probably think I don't understand, that I'm going to throw a bunch of cliches at you and just be done with it. I'm not. I'm not, because I've been where you are. I know what it feels like to be so lonely that you're willing to lower your standards significantly (even if you'd die before admitting that you're doing so) in order to just not be alone. I know how it feels to crave validation like you crave the air you breathe, even if you don't realize that you're doing it. I know how it feels to drown in loneliness, to notice that everyone surrounding you is happy and in love, to feel like you'll never find anyone again. I know.

I know why you don't want to be alone. Because alone and lonely are two dangerously similar concepts, and it takes a lot of strength (that most struggle with and always will) to be alone without being lonely. It takes a deep understanding of yourself, your past and how you want your future to look to realize how important it is to be alone, and how important it is to truly love your life when you're alone. But when you're lonely, that's when it all comes rushing back. The insecurity. The self-doubt. The pain inflicted on you by the ones who made promises they couldn't (or just wouldn't) keep. So you shove all this down and let random guys who don't deserve you temporarily numb the pain so you don't have to face it. You lower your standards until they're barely recognizable because it doesn't really matter who it is or how they treat you, just that you aren't alone.

If you do this for long enough, eventually you forget how to chase away the sadness on your own. Guys become a crutch for you. If you're never alone you can't be lonely, and if you can't be lonely you can't feel broken. But here's the problem: using faceless, nameless guys to numb the pain is a lot like using liquor for the same purpose. Eventually the high wears off, and when it does, the pain you feel will be twice as bad, plus a headache the next day. So you have to use it more and more until you lose yourself in the process.

Don't lose yourself. Don't let the feelings and pain from your past chase away who you are. Don't be so afraid of your demons that you let them control you like that. If you can't learn how to be happy alone, you will never be happy with someone else. You will always try to fill empty places in yourself with pieces of them and it will never be enough, and they will always come up short. That's not fair to them or to you. You'll be amazed how much your life changes when you stop focusing all your energy on guys and what they think about you and, instead, start focusing on yourself and how you feel and think about you. Anything you don't like, you have the power to change and it's both as easy and as difficult as that. It takes time and hard work, a lot of it, but if you learn how to focus on yourself you will be happier.