Everybody loves the outgoing girl. She's the fun one, the one that everyone calls when they want someone to go out partying or dancing with; she's the girl I want to be. I want to like dancing, I want to like meeting new people, and I want to be the first one people think to call when they're going to do something fun.
I'm not her.
I'm the girl that has anxiety in social settings. I'm the girl that hates dancing. I'm the girl that is terrified to go to classes where I don't know anybody. I'm the girl that's been blatantly told, "you're not fun" by a friend from high school. I'm the one that takes advantage of liquid courage to go dance like everybody else even when I don't want to, and when I have too much I embarrass myself. I'm the girl that wishes every day that she was outgoing because that's what society wants.
But that's not what I really want for myself.
I've always wanted to be the outgoing girl and I have recently realized that I don't have to be. I don't have to be someone I'm not and people will love me for all of my qualities that I sometimes consider faults. I'm met with compliments like, "I love hanging out with you, you're so chill all of the time," and people tell me they love being with me and listening to my quiet, funny comments that nobody else hears, but it still sucks being the introverted girl when you're questioned for not wanting to go out and not wanting to dance and feeling like you're the only one staying in. Everyone has a different idea of what fun is and I'm not going to pretend that I like going to clubs and parties where I don't know anybody and that is perfectly okay. I like to read books, watch movies, go to animal shelters, and be at the beach. That is exactly who I am and in a world that criticizes individualism, I'm trying my best not to deviate from it.