With my twenties looming in front of me, taunting me, I've taken the time to take a step back and examine my friendships and relationships. It's something everyone has to do every once in a while; a "taking inventory" of sorts. It's important to keep yourself surrounded by positive influences, and to rid yourself of negative energy.
And you? You're the first to go. It's taken years for me to see who you really are, and I don't like it. It's not okay. You've been lying to me, talking about me, disrespecting me, treating me like I'm less than worthy of your attention. And you're making not-so-great choices for yourself.
Lying to and disrespecting me go hand-in-hand with each other. We were best friends, and we were roommates. We shared our lives with each other for months, and even years, and some of my favorite memories are filled with you. But, lying about simple things, and big things, isn't how you treat a friend. Honesty and trust are the two things on which friendships are formed, and you gave me neither.
From letting boys who weren't important say racist things to me, to egging on people attacking me - it's too much. And you haven't apologized for any of it. Not for the time I was told I was going to get deported simply for being Hispanic; not for the time you threw my laptop across the room; not for the time you refused to sign papers to let me move out. I got an apology for none of it.
And still, I kept trying. I didn't want to lose you. I pictured the rest of my life with a husband holding my left hand and you holding my right. That's how it was always going to be; you and me against the world.
But, you didn't stop there, did you? No, you had to bash my new friendships. You had to take the new bonds that I had made and you had to try and tear them to pieces. You talked about me to your friends as if I was some sort of burden. You made fun of me for getting over petty drama from high school and making new friendships with old enemies, and you didn't even try to hide it. You took pride in the fact that you were the reason people attacked me on social media. You thought it was funny.
Is it funny now? Is the fact that I am no longer in your life entertaining to you, or do you feel even the slightest bit sorry?
It's hard, letting go of a friend. You have this idea of them in your head that you cherish and hold on to. Nothing anyone says or does can change the fact that you love them as if they're your other half. But when they show themselves to be something - someone - else, it's time.
This is to you. I still love and care about you, but I can't do this anymore. You've taken up too much of my time and my love. I've fought for you.
