First and foremost, I want to say thank you for doing the one thing I couldn't do for him. I want to thank you, sincerely, for showing him the ugly truths in adultery. I want to thank you for building a relationship on a bed of finely tuned lies. I want to thank you for showing him the hideous parts of personhood, immaturity in selfishness, and belittlement in boredom. Because without you, he would have never have understood that he deserved so much more.
I admit you cross my mind every once in a while. I pitied you at first, because I wasn’t sure you were able to understand what exactly you threw away. Whatever your motive was for the vengeful manipulation you tossed in his corner, the constant snarky insults, and utter lack of respect. I hope you realise that at some point, treating people this way will result in everyone leaving you. So try to hold your hate for me, simply because I realised something you couldn’t. I realised he was worth more than you could ever give him.
I watched the fear in his eyes rise when we had our first argument, over what I can no longer remember. He seemed so startled when I apologized, when I said we should talk about it, we should find a way to fix it like adults do. I realised he’d never had these words said to him, I realised he had never been heard before. I realised he’d never been shown respect, honesty, or forgiveness. I knew then, in the heat of argument, that I was fighting with the person I wanted to share my life with.
There are many different emotions I could feel towards you. But at the end of the day, all I can say is thank you. Thank you for pushing his trust over the edge and forcing the ties of your flimsy spectacle to fray. Thank you for showing him where he didn’t want to wander. I hope we all can learn from the one’s before us. I hope we all learn through their faults; I hope we learn to let go of people we don’t cherish. No one deserves to be intimate with someone who doesn’t value them entirely.
The person I watch the sunset with over my balcony edge is the person I cherish more than anyone I’ve come to know. The ironic part about letting some people go, is realising just how more open you become. We’ve all been ungrateful at some point to a person we choose to spend our lives together with. No one is perfect. We let our animosities and frustrations leach onto another person and soon they become an unwarranted enemy, instead of a partner.
We can choose to see faults in two ways, disappointments or lessons. We can choose to have negative behaviors carried from person to person or we can learn how to grow and adapt and change. Because, when you love someone, you learn how to become a person who can challenge themselves to become more compassionate and understanding. You learn how to love them in a way they can accept it, in way they need it. You learn how to balance each other, you learn how to ease their burdens, you learn how to listen to their needs, you learn how truly infinite it is to share each other’s futures.
So, a round of applause to the girl before me, because through you I have learned how to the be only girl he’ll ever need.