"Letting go is the easy part. It's the moving on that's painful. So sometimes we fight it, trying to keep things the same. Things can't stay the same though. At some point you just have to let go, move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow."
-Meredith Grey

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2016, I realized very quickly that life does not always follow the exact path we hope it does. Now 2 years later with a college degree in tow and medical school applications floating in the world wide web, I find myself facing a reality I never anticipated.

The Gap Year

A year many look forward to. A year many intend to use for travel and exploration. A year to decompress. A year to save money, and a year to figure out their aspirations in life. And while so many of my professors encouraged me to take one, especially with my stress load, I found myself slightly unraveled.

After four years in America's #1 city (google it) and not enough funds to afford it, I found myself packing my bags and moving back home. Leaving behind some of my very best friends, even better food and an education that kept me mentally stimulated and my friends completely uninterested.

How could this be the life God planned for me?

I was the girl who knew exactly what she wanted to be at 14 years old. I was the girl who hungered for more, aspired for more and was willing to work harder than imagined in order to make her dreams reality.

And yet, as life would have it, the gap year was something I would have to take. Regardless of circumstance or intelligence, I too would have to humble myself enough to realize that not everything is within my control.

And while it has been challenging, it has also been easier than I ever imagined.

Watching my peers begin the very journey I dream and wish for every single night is incredibly difficult. Because I want to be there with them. Because I believe I SHOULD be with there with them. Because I fear that my life will fall short otherwise.

And yet, having the opportunity to work and save money has been enlightening. Having the opportunity to meet countless people of all walks of life and serve them. Having the opportunity to improve someone's physical and emotional confidence. Having the opportunity to be a factor in their lives, and ultimately them in mine.

I have learned to appreciate those who work in the cosmetology industry full time, as well as in making monthly payments in order to one day fully own my car. To save so that I don't starve when I return to school. To learn that I am not better or less than any person who walks through the door.

To appreciate the struggles of daily life far sooner than I imagined.

But in order to grow, and in order to fully appreciate this new phase of my life, I have to let go of the identity I have always loved.

Being a student

Because, if only for a short while, I am not. I am a girl who hopes for a better world and the opportunity to one day wear her own white coat. But until then, I am Mikaela, College of Charleston Honors College Graduate and licensed cosmetologist who is slowly, but surely drifting farther from her previous identity in order to determine her true identity.

This I believe, will be in aspiring to always serve others and provide a beacon of light to each and every person I meet. Because while my identity as a student will eventually disappear, (preferably after Residency) my identity as a healer never has to.

So here's to the gap year. To a year full of unknowns and hopefully adventure. To a year of loss and a year of love, but most importantly to a year of opportunity. A year that I will one day look back on with pride, and to a year where I became fully alive.