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The Funniest Things I've Heard My Students Say

I'm their tutor but they've taught me more than I ever taught them.

Karen Glikman

Aug 10, 2020

Hunter College

The Funniest Things I've Heard My Students Say

Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash

10-year-old student: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Yes.

Him: YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME?!

Student reading an article about LaGuardia Airport:

"La Jiri Agada Airport was built in…"

10 year old: "Do you want me to show you the toy dog I sleep with?"

Me: "Sure"

*Brings me a toy dog wrapped in a white towel and puts her on the desk*

Student (Whispering to the dog): If you fall, I'll be there to catch you really quickly.

Me dictating words to seven-year-old as he writes: "SHip, CHair"

Him: Be quiet for a minute.

6-year-old: "MOMMY, I HAVE A BOOGIE!!"

7-year-old moaning and groaning, reluctant to do his English homework. Looks at the floor:

"Hmm, the floor is dirty. I'll go get the vacuum!"

Girl holding cotton candy for the first time.

Her mom: Don't worry, it's not hair!

Me: "Sweetie, would you feel more comfortable if I speak to you in Russian or in English?"

Six-year-old: *Answering in English* I don't remember English.

Seven-year-old: The pencil got stuck between my toes...

11-year-old student: "I'll do one more question."

Me: "Two."

11-year-old: "Rock paper scissors?"

10-year-old: "Am I real? Are you real? What if this is all a dream?"

*Ten-year-old looks up from his math homework*

"I understand why women have nipples, its to feed the baby...but why do men have them?!"

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Funniest Things I've Heard My Students Say

I'm their tutor but they've taught me more than I ever taught them.

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The craziest, funniest, and most unforgettable college memories are impossible to create without an amazing group of friends.

I'm fine. This is my natural face.

1. Strangers have told you "Smile!" on regular occasions

2. The first thing people say to you is "Are you okay?"

3. Dates have texted you asking if they bored you

4. Or, they tell you they don't want to go out again because you didn't seem interested

5. People question your level of comfort in any given situation

6. Friends have said, "When I first met you, I thought you didn't like me." and were totally serious about it

7. Jokes don't land well because people can't tell if you're serious or not

8. You've been told customer service isn't for you because you never smile

9. In fact, in your yearly review, your manager always writes to smile more under "room for improvement"

10. You hate when people have their cameras out taking candids

11. Even when you smile for a photograph it looks like either A) you're trying too hard or B) you're the Mona Lisa

12. Things can even get a little awkward when you smile

13. You regularly are told "I'm never sure how you feel about things"

14. You've scared strangers on the train/bus/sidewalk with your death glares-- even though they're unintentional and you're not really looking at them

15. Christmas and birthdays are hard because you have to figure out how to look like you're pleased with all your gifts even when you are

16. People frequently tell you you're intimidating

17. Friends stop inviting you to things because they think you don't like going

18. Your parents have RBF (it's definitely genetic. Thanks, Mom).

No matter how old you are.

1. Build a snowman

2. Start a snowball fight

3. Build a fort

4. Binge-watch Netflix

4. Look out the window

5. Grab coffee with a friend

6. Complete school or office work

7. Sleep

8. Read a book

9. Bake cookies

10. Drink hot cocoa

11. Go ice skating

12. Take a Walk

"I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."

1. When you look at the syllabus and realize there are only three weeks of the semester left; even though the first day was LITERALLY yesterday.

2. You look at your grades and realize they probably aren't as high as they should be, which is a terrifying realization.

3. When you think to yourself at night, "tomorrow, I will wake up early and go to the library ALL day, and, hell, maybe after I'll go to the gym for a little bit, just to push myself that extra mile."

4. Tomorrow actually comes. The inevitable and overpowering sense of procrastination is too strong to overcome.

5. But you DO end up going to the library. Not all day though, but still, a while. But no, you do not go to the gym. Still, you made an effort, so you decide to treat yo' self.

6. When you realize you need to schedule a meeting with your adviser because you need to sign up for classes next semester. But you also realize that since you waited until the last minute, you're going to get stuck with all of the crappy classes.

7. When you low-key try to slip into conversation with your professors that you need extra credit because you're that desperate.

8. When it's already the third time you've seen your adviser in two days because you have no damn clue what you're doing and need all the help you can get.

9. When you apply for a job associated with your major even though you have no experience, but you just want to dive headfirst into the deep end of adulthood and get it over with.

The world is not always sunshine and rainbows, and you do not have to be, either.

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