10-year-old student: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Yes.

Him: YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME?!

Student reading an article about LaGuardia Airport:

"La Jiri Agada Airport was built in…"

10 year old: "Do you want me to show you the toy dog I sleep with?"

Me: "Sure"

*Brings me a toy dog wrapped in a white towel and puts her on the desk*

Student (Whispering to the dog): If you fall, I'll be there to catch you really quickly.

Me dictating words to seven-year-old as he writes: "SHip, CHair"

Him: Be quiet for a minute.

6-year-old: "MOMMY, I HAVE A BOOGIE!!"

7-year-old moaning and groaning, reluctant to do his English homework. Looks at the floor:

"Hmm, the floor is dirty. I'll go get the vacuum!"

Girl holding cotton candy for the first time.

Her mom: Don't worry, it's not hair!

Me: "Sweetie, would you feel more comfortable if I speak to you in Russian or in English?"

Six-year-old: *Answering in English* I don't remember English.

Seven-year-old: The pencil got stuck between my toes...

11-year-old student: "I'll do one more question."

Me: "Two."

11-year-old: "Rock paper scissors?"

10-year-old: "Am I real? Are you real? What if this is all a dream?"

*Ten-year-old looks up from his math homework*

"I understand why women have nipples, its to feed the baby...but why do men have them?!"