miss

mis/

verb

notice the loss or absence of.

I miss you. That’s the first thing I want you to know. I think of you a lot and I miss the friendship we had, the endless hours we spent telling each other everything there was to say. It’s sad that there is nothing to say between us anymore. We could try to catch up on life, but it always ends with no reply from one of us, and another three months before we say one word to each other. I always wonder what went wrong in our friendship and what caused us to drift apart.

Sometimes I think it is because we both became happier people. Sadness seems to draw people in, attract them to one another because you feel the same, and in certain ways you have more to say. The second you’re both happy, there is no need to talk anymore because happiness is not a subject people have much to say about. “Yeah I’m happy these days.” “That’s great, I am too.” “Awesome.” And the conversation is over. There is no need to elaborate on happiness in most cases. I wish this were different. I wish it was almost the opposite. There shouldn’t need to be happiness or sadness to determine a friendship. Friendship comes from the heart, whether your heart is broken or put together, friendship blossoms from people who truly care about the other person, no matter what stage of life you’re in.

Yet, I still wish I knew what happened between us to make this friendship not last. Was it me? Was it her? How did this friendship that felt so important for so long, slip away like it was nothing at all? It seems like there was a time, not very long ago, when the friends you made growing up were the ones you held onto for life.. You planned to live together after college, raise your children as next-door neighbors, and grow old in a retirement home together. However, with all of the temporary feelings brought with your teenage years, the most important friendships become temporary as well, without much reason. These years pass so quickly, that drifting apart happens rather fast and suddenly. It might be a half a year, or even a full year before either of us realizes it has happened. For most of us, keeping in touch with long-distance friends means frequent texting and calling. However, there is the inevitability of one missed phone call becoming two, and one month becoming six. But it seems to be that looking around to see that friend who drifted away, leaves you feeling too guilty, sad, and exhausted to do the necessary back peddling to catch up with them.

Where did I do wrong? What did I do? How did I let our friendship slip away?

You did nothing wrong. Things happen, your lives no longer coincide, people change, but you still have solid relationships and friendships in your life that may make up for that lost one. There will always be that void that no one can quite fill. But that’s okay. So to my friends that I have drifted from, I hope you are happy. I hope the sadness we once shared is gone, and I hope you know that there will always be a special place in my heart for the friendship we had and the memories we made. I love you always.